Welcome to Amagi's!
by LeafyDream
Summary: Yukiko works as a bartender at her family's inn. The Investigation Team usually hang out there. They get drunk. Literally nothing good happens after that. Beds are set aflame, guns are fired, and tears are shed. Its awesome! So come on in, we saved you a seat. Watch the Investigation Team get drunk and get silly. Other pairings include RiseXKanji, ChieXYosuke.
1. Denial Isn't Just a River in Egypt

**"Denial Isn't Just a River in Egypt"**

"That androgynous skank stole my man! That bitch! That whore! That floozy! That-that-that BITCH!"

"You already said bitch," Kanji mumbled beside her.

"Only cause she is SUCH A BITCH! And Senpai...AHHH! I'll never forgive him! I was saving myself for him! My virginity, my butt virginity, my mouth virginity, I HAVEN'T EVEN KISSED ANYONE!"

"Haven't you kissed guys in your movies?"

"THAT DOES NOT COUNT!"

"Pretty sure it does," Kanji quietly retorted.

Yukiko's eye twitched. She cursed her mother's name. She cursed her, and she used every naughty word she could think for it. She cursed her loudly and proudly in the safe, private confines of her mind. Yes, adding a bar to the Amagi Inn was a great idea, the money in tips alone paid more than her last position at the family run inn. Yes, it was nice not to have to run around serving customers and being a jack-of-all-trades. As a bartender, all she had to do was listen and stir the drink that was ordered. It was even a little fun at first.

But now? Now she was beginning to regret that choice. Yukiko loved her friends, really, she did, but there's only so much of Drunk Rise that she could stand while sober. She cursed the fact that her friends would always come here due to getting drinks at reduced prices.

Come to think of it, Yukiko cursed her own name for pleading for those discounts. _Damn it, Yukiko..._ She thought to herself.

"Aren't you pissed off, Kanji?! Doesn't it just drive you up the walls INSANE WITH ANGER!?" Rise screamed, banging her fists against the counter, tears in her eyes.

"...Eh," Kanji quietly replied, before finishing the first shot of the night. Probably not the last one, either.

"Eh?! EH?! What do you mean, EH?! You LOVED Naoto! But Naoto is dating Yu! They've been dating for months and never told us!"

"I mean...sucks they didn't feel like they could tell us, but s'cool. They're probably just shy," Kanji assumed, nodding his thanks at Yukiko for refilling his drink for him. "Thanks, Senpai."

"How are you so okay with this!? You should be outraged!" Rise demanded, standing up from her cushioned stool.

"I mean, yeah, I woulda liked to have gotten a chance with Naoto, but she likes Senpai. Can't say I blame her. He's a great guy. I know he'll treat her right."

Yukiko was silently impressed by Kanji's maturity. _That's big of him. Wow, Kanji-kun, you've grown up, haven't you?_

"That's so...so...SO! WAAAAH!" Rise suddenly embraced Kanji, pulling his face into the side of her neck. "You're so mature, Kanji-kun! Why can't I be more like you?!"

"R-Rise! G-get off!" Kanji struggled to pull the idol off of him, his face flushed from both the alcohol and her tight grip. His eyes met Yukiko's, and he silently pleaded for her help. Yukiko simply gave an apologetic look, before turning to greet the latest customer.

"Hey, Yukiko!" Chie greeted, sitting down on an open stool. She smiled at her friend as the black haired bartender smiled back.

 _Thank goodness. I'm sure some quality time talking to my best friend will help alleviate my stress!_ "Hey, Chie. Your usual?"

The brunette girl grinned ear to ear as she nodded. "And leave the bottle. Thanks, Yukiko. You're the best."

"You're welcom-"

"No, I mean it. You're awesome! Even before the murders! I always thought you were just...the best! And you've been awesome since we closed the case all those years ago! That's like...a lot of years you've been awesome!"

Yukiko felt her cheeks flush slightly. Chie was being so sweet, not that she was complaining. She really appreciated the compliments after the ear-aching Rise had given her, Kanji, and the other patrons of the bar. "Chie...That's really sweet of you to say. I always-"

"In fact, I always felt we had a special bond. Yeah, we have other friends, but no one and nothing is going to get between us, right? Best Friends Forever and a Half! BFFH!" she continued as Yukiko poured her drink.

 _Wait a second..._

"Hos before Bros! Ovaries over brovaries. Uterus over duderus! Va-"

"What did you do?" She sighed, handing Chie her drink.

The shorter girl flinched, before awkwardly laughing, waving her fingers in the air to try and shoo away the accusatory glare. "W-what are you talking about? Can't your BEST FRIEND compliment you, Yukiko Amagi, my BEST FRIEND?" Yukiko's face said she was accepting none of the bullshit. Chie groaned and rubbed her fingers through her hair. "Okay, but you have to promise you won't be mad!"

"Chie-"

"Yukiko, please!"

Against her better judgement, the bartender sighed and nodded her head. "Okay... I promise I won't be mad."

"Okay. So," Chie let the last word go on, averting her eyes from the stare of her childhood friend. She looked down at her drink, admiring the liquid's slight tremble of beer and ice when she poked the glass container.

"Chie!"

"Right! Sorry! Its just... it's just hard to admit. I've been keeping a secret from you recently..." Chie's face turned flushed and she groaned as she rubbed her cheeks. "Come on! Just say it!" She scolded herself, before letting out an angry huff. "I've been... I've... I..."

Yukiko watched at her terrified friend with wide eyes. She looked so small, all of a sudden, so afraid. The bartender placed a gentle hand on the girl's shoulder. She stroked it, silently showing her support. "Hey... C-Chie, its okay. Whatever's going on, I promise, we'll work it out."

"I'm so scared you'll hate me... You'll think I'm a freak," the smaller girl whimpered. "Where do I even begin coming out with this...?"

 _Coming out...? Oh my gosh! No way..._ Yukiko bit her lower lip as Chie muttered to herself. _It would make sense! I've seen the way she's looked at me, and not just me, but Rise! And Naoto! And... Oh my gosh, it makes too much sense not to be true!_ The bartender suddenly pulled her friend into a tight embrace over the counter separating them, silencing her. "Chie, I'm so sorry that I made you think I would hate you for this! You have absolutely no reason to feel ashamed..."

"W-what? Y-you know? And...and you're not mad?"

"No! Of course not!"

"...Seriously?" Chie blinked blankly as Yukiko released her from the hug. The two stared at one another, gentle eyes meeting utterly shocked ones.

"Of course not! Your sexual orientation is your own business. I don't care who you love, as long as you're happy!"

"What?!"

"Amagi's isn't that kind of bar, but we're also not the kind of bar to reject people just for their sexual orientation! Oh! I know! If you want, we could try doing a weekly event! Like, like a Gay Tuesday or something! I bet Kanji would be willing to offer some help, and-" Yukiko was suddenly interrupted by Chie's palms slapping into the counter, creating an echoing clap.

It was soon followed by an even louder cry of, "Yukiko!"

"Huh?" The bartender blinked, staring at her gay friend with confusion. "Yes, Chie?"

The tomboy didn't know where to start at first, merely blathering sentence fragments as her cheeks burned. "I'm not... I don't... I like boys!"

"Just cause you like boys doesn't mean you can't like girls, Chie. You don't need to pick a team! You can have the best of both worlds," her friend explained. "I mean, look at Kanji-"

"I've been sleeping with Yosuke... Secretly sleeping with him."

 _Oh._ "O-oh..." _Oooh..._ "...Huh?" Yukiko's brain broke for a moment and needed a second to reboot. She stared as her red cheeked friend downed a shot of alcohol. "You and Yosuke? You guys had..."

"Y-yeah."

 _Reboot failed._ "... Snk." The usually mature woman snorted, before she began to cackle with laughter. "T-that's- AHAHAHAHA- SNK- YOU TWO- YOU TWO HAD! YOU-"

"I-its not funny! WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?! It isn't funny!"

"B-but it's so- snk- HAHAHA! It's- it's so completely insane! It's hilarious! I-I can't stop! My sides!"

Chie growled and slammed her empty glass against the counter, frowning as Yukiko fell to the floor, holding her sides as she hollered like a hyena. "That's not even the worst part! Stop laughing, Yukiko!"

"S-sorry! Sorry!" After Yukiko poured herself a shot and drank it, she exhaled and looked at her friend. "Okay. Okay. I'm okay. So what's the worst part? The fact that you have a boyfriend and didn't even tell your BFFH about it?" She pouted.

"He's not my boyfriend! We were just having sex!" Chie corrected, a bit too loudly. Several patrons looked at the two, causing the brunette to groan and pour herself another shot. She downed it and exhaled. "We broke up this morning."

That changed the mood. Yukiko instantly felt guilt over her previous fit of laughter. She refilled both Chie and her own shot glasses, before looking at her frowning friend. "I'm sorry Yosuke dumped you, Chie..."

"He didn't dump me! I dumped him!" She corrected, slapping the counter. She grabbed her glass and was about to drink it, when it was suddenly taken from her hand. Rise had leaped off of Kanji (he whispered a thank you to God) and was now standing at Chie's side.

"Your boyfriend dumped you too?!"Rise downed Chie's drink and slammed it back onto the counter. "Keep the drinks coming, Yukiko! This is officially our Girls' Night Out!"

"Um, should- should I leave then?"

"Stay right where you are, Kanji! Do NOT leave me right now! Do NOT do that to me! Do not be a Yu Narukami!" Kanji planted his ass down on his seat, hands held up. Rise motioned that she was watching him, before looking back at the two girls. "So yay! Girls' Night Out! Just us girls! No boys, and no androgynous skanks who steal boys from us girls!"

Chie and Yukiko glanced at one another, sharing a look of worry and fear. They both emptied their cups down their throats, before the former girl spoke. "Yosuke and I weren't dating. We were just having sex."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"We weren't! Dating and-and what what we did are two very different things! Just because I slept with him doesn't make him my boyfriend!" Chie explained. She refilled her shot glass and downed it with a heavy sigh.

"Yeah, it makes him your ex-boyfriend," Rise snarked.

"Hey!"

"Did you two ever kiss?" Kanji asked.

Chie's blush returned and she sighed, rubbing her hot face with her cold glass. "Yeah, a few times, but that doesn't-"

"Did you two ever exchange gifts?"Yukiko added.

"Well, he got me these tickets for the Trail of the Dragon reboot. We saw it together, but we weren't really focusing on the movie after a while." Chie remembered that night with a quiver as she thought about what Yosuke did to make her ignore a movie she'd been waiting over a year to see. "But, I mean-"

"Did you guys cuddle naked after sex?" The blush on Chie's face said all Rise needed to hear. "You two were totally dating. It may have started off as just friends with benefits, but sooner or later if turned into true, love. You're so lucky," the idol sighed.

"We broke up," Chie plainly stated.

"Well, not that lucky. But you know what they say! Tis better to love and lose than to never love at all!"

"We aren't in love! I mean, we weren't in love!" The girl groaned, slamming her face into the counter. The glasses jingled, the ice bouncing around inside of them, before they all settled down. Chie kept her face pressed against the wooden surface, making a small whine as Yukiko affectionately stroked her head.

"There, there."

"Denial isn't just a river in Egypt," Rise wisely noted.

"You mean sorta like you denying the fact that Yu-Senpai and you were never dating?" Kanji muttered.

The redhead glared at her blonde compatriot. "One more comment like that and you're out of Girls' Night Out, Kanji!"

"S-shit, sorry... Wait, why the hell am I sorry?! To hell with you guys! I don't even want to be here!" The blonde man stood up in an attempt to leave, only to be tackled by the idol. He fell back onto his seat and barely avoided crashing onto the floor. One hand grabbed the counter and the other wrapped around Rise, ensuring she didn't fall. "S-shit!"

"WAAAAAH! FINE! LEAVE ME! JUST LIKE EVERY MEN! LEAVE ME FOR SOME BLUE HAIRED DETECTIVE SLUT!"

"A-ah shit," Kanji grumbled. Rise had returned to crying into his chest, it seemed. He looked around awkwardly, before gently lifting his hand off of her back.

"Pet me," she demanded.

"O-okay!" The young man gently stroked her back, throwing silent pleads at the two girls for help. Both ignored him and returned to their conversation.

"So, Yosuke, huh?"

"Yep." Chie still had her face pressed against the counter. Yukiko gently moved her fingers through her friend's hair, massaging her head to comfort her.

"Can I ask why him? I mean, you two argue all the time. Honestly, I'd think you get with Kanji sooner than Yosuke."

"NO! DAMN YOU, TOMBOY WHORES! STOP STEALING MY MEN!" Rise shrieked.

"W-what?! Y-your men?" I'm-? GAH!"

"Do guys just not like big breasts anymore!? Tell me, Kanji, is that it!?" Rise pulled Kanji into her chest, trapping him between her mammaries.

"R-Rise! Let go!" Kanji's muffled voice pleaded, his face hot and red for more than one reason. He finally freed himself, gasping for air, grabbing Rise's shoulders in an attempt to calm her down. "Rise! C-calm down!"

The idol sniffed, tearing up in his arms. She rubbed at her eyes, trembling. "Of course Senpai didn't want me...Who would want a girl like me?"

"Considering you're an idol? Half the country," Chie muttered.

"I'm never going to get married!" Rise sobbed. "Never ever! No one would ever want to marry me!"

Maybe it was the beer, or the atmosphere, or the crying girl in his arms, whatever it was, it brought something out of Kanji. "To hell with that!" He lifted her head so their eyes met. "Tell you what, if we reach forty and neither of us are married, we'll marry each other!"

Rise blinked, her chocolate eyes glimmering with tears. She sniffled and wiped her nose, before speaking. "Why won't I get married when I'm forty?" Her chocolate eyes turned hard, gleaming like knives now as she glared at Kanji.

"What? I-I mean, its just a hypo- hippo- hypothetical thing!"

"Okay. Hypothetically speaking, why won't I be married when I'm forty?!" Rise grabbed Kanji's collar and pulled his face a hair's breath away from her own. The young man felt her breath on his face. He was sure that there were hundreds, if not thousands of guys who would kill to be here, but honestly? He'd kill to be out of here.

"So... You just going to ignore the fact that Naoto has the biggest pair out of all of us?" Chie voice was muffled due to her face being pressed into the counter, but the arrow still hit its target.

"WAAAAAAH!"

"And we're back here," Kanji sighed as he returned to stroking Rise's back, and the idol returned to crying into his chest.

"You never did answer my question," Yukiko stated. She watched her BFFH finally lift her head up, only to pour herself another drink.

"I didn't come here to get interrogated..."

Yukiko sighed and nodded her head. She quieted her curious mind and offered a friendly smile. "Fair enough. Why did you come? Hopefully not to JUST get drunk?"

"Heh. No. I still have some beers at my apartment still. Yosuke gave them to me before we broke up," the girl muttered.

"You sure you two weren't-"

"Yukiko..."

"Sorry, sorry. Okay. Talk to me, Chie. Why did you come here?"

"I need a favor, and remember what you said!" Chie slammed her glass onto the table and pointed at her mostly sober friend. "You said you wouldn't be mad!"

"I did say that."

"Okay. Good. Because the reason I came over here is, I've been destroying all the things that remind me of Yosuke..."

Yukiko had to bite her lower lip to keep herself from asking for clarification again on the whole 'boyfriend' thing.

"And I actually came to... burn your bed."

 _What._ "What?" _Wait..._ "Wait..." _WHAT?!_ "WHAT?! CHIE!"

"You said you wouldn't be mad!" The girl cried, holding up her hands. "It was only once! Okay, twice!"

"TWICE?!" Yukiko grabbed her friend's shoulders and began to shake her back and forth. Chie was thankful the counter stood between them, keeping her from getting too close. "You had sex on my bed TWICE?!"

"Wait, what?" Kanji turned to the two.

"Huh?" Rise's attention was caught as well.

"Y-Yukiko! Not so loud!"

"WHEN?! WHY?! AHHHH!" Yukiko grabbed a nearby bottle and popped the lid off, before she began to down it to quite the flames of anger in her.

"W-well, once during New Year's..." Chie kicked herself for actually answering. That liquid courage was acting more like liquid stupidity than anything else at the moment!

"New Year's?" Her friend gasped, covering her mouth with one hand as the other pointed at Chie, accusing her. "That's why you were late for the countdown!"

"Wow, talk about starting the year with a bang," Kanji joked.

"Shut up, Kanji. This is serious!" Yukiko scolded.

The blonde boy blinked, before simply nodding. _Yukiko-senpai is pissed._

"And once on Yu's birthday," Chie admitted, finishing her cup of liquid stupidity.

"You had sex during his birthday party?! Chie!" Yukiko couldn't believe her BFFH. She was about to scold her, only to be interrupted by the sound of the door opening. Everyone turned their head when they heard a familiar voice.

"Hey guys," Yu greeted, walking over to the group, Naoto by his side. The bluette pulled her hand away from her Senpai's, blushing slightly at all the attention the two had on them. "We having a Girls' Night Out with Kanji?" He inquired, giving the four a friendly smile.

None of the others could return the smile at first. Rise turned her head in an angry huff. Kanji and Chie mumbled their greetings, looking away with embarrassment. Yukiko simply replied with, "Yep. Girls Night Out with Kanji. That's... that's it."

Naoto raised her brow, sensing the obvious tension. If Yu did, he didn't comment on it. Instead, he continued to smile. "That's great. We were actually planning on having a Guys' Night Out tonight."

"With... Naoto?" Kanji slowly asked.

The two nodded, and Yu took a moment to smile at his girlfriend. Their eyes met and she looked away, cheeks flushing again. "Wouldn't be a good night if I didn't get to spend it with my Blue Beauty," Yu mused.

"Senpai, please. You're embarrassing me..."

"Oh, please. Gag me with a spoon," Rise hissed, grabbing a filled glass and drowning her sorrows.

"Wait!" Chie suddenly gasped. The red faced girl stumbled off of her stool, falling to the floor. She hit the ground, before quickly standing up to face the new couple. "Guys' Night Out?! Don't tell me-" The doors opened and closed as two new guests arrived.

"Man, parking was murder!"

"It wouldn't have been if you let me drive," Teddie pouted.

"Yeah, I don't think so. You don't even have a license," Yosuke sighed. The two looked around for their friends, waving at them as soon they saw the grey and blue haired couple. "Hey, guy- Chie?!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Are we missing something?" Yu whispered to his lover.

"It would appear so," Naoto answered, pulling her lover back as Yosuke stomped his way over to Chie.

"Satonaka," he grumbled.

"Hanamaru."

"Hi, Yuki-chan!" Teddie greeted, waving at the bartender.

"Not now, Teddie," the girl pleaded, watching the exs glaring at one another.

"So... Why are you-"

"I'm here to set Yukiko's bed on fire!" Chie announced, standing proud despite her shorter stature.

"Wha- YOU WERE SERIOUS ABOUT THAT?!" Yosuke choked.

"Damn right I was, Hanamura!"

"Just because we had sex on it three times?!"

"Three? Three times, Chie?! You said you had sex on my bed only twice! When was the third time?!" Yukiko growled, walking around the counter and approaching the two brunettes.

Yu leaned over to his girlfriend's ear and whispered to her, subtly. "I think we might have come at a bad time."

"I believe you are correct, Senpai."

"Maybe we should-"

"Senpai!" Rise roared. She walked over to the couple, Kanji's hand in her vicious grip. "I bet youz thinks you're so great! Being in lurv!"she slurred. "Well, juzd so you -hic- knooow... You're never -hic- gonna get any of this!" To the shock of all three friends, Rise began to fling her clothes off. Her shirt was tossed off her body, revealing her bra covered breasts. "You'll -hic- NEVUH touch theze babies!"

"R-Rise! Please," Yu begged, though there was no blush on his face.

"And YOU! You... You boyfriend-stealing -hic- bitch!" The idol swung a hand at Naoto, trying to point at her, but her constant swaying made that impossible. The bluette blinked, before trying to gently catch the swaying idol.

"Rise-chan, you're drunk. Please, let us drive you ho-"

"Don't you pity me, you tramp! Look at Kanji! Look at this heart broken face!" Rise screamed, placing her hands on the tall man's face and playing with it like dough. "He's devastated!" Before he could push the woman off of him, Rise suddenly ducked down. She grabbed the rim of Kanji's pants and pulled down, revealing heart decorated boxers. "Look at what you could be having, Naoto! -HIC- Look at it!"

"Rise, please!" Naoto pleaded, covering her eyes to avoid looking at the half naked Kanji.

Several patrons cheered and clapped, some even whistling. An angry snarl from Kanji silenced them.

"What the hell, Rise!? My pants! You-"

The redhaired girl ignored her partner-in-crime, though. Instead, she looked at Senpai and grabbed her chest, groping herself. "I bet I'm better in bed than Naoto is, Senpai! Not that you'd ever really know, cause she is SUCH a prude! I bet-"

Yu's face, which had seemed eerily calm despite the current events, suddenly exploded in a red heat. His eyes unintentionally sent a message that was read loud and clear. Rise's drunken mind translated it perfectly, and she let out a bellow of jealous rage.

"You guys have already had sex!? AHHHH!"

 _Least it was probably on their bed,_ Yukiko thought, before returning her glare to Yosuke and Chie. "Well? I'm waiting for an answer," she growled. The pair suddenly looked very guilty, averting their eyes and trying to ignore the other. "I know you had sex on New Years, and for Yu's birthday a few months ago. So what's this third time I heard?" She hissed, quietly.

Yukiko barely heard Chie's murmured reply. "It was in December, last year."

"On... On the eighth," Yosuke sighed.

 _December 8th? But that's..._ "My birthday?! You two had sex on MY BED on MY BIRTHDAY?!"

The silence was all the confession she needed to hear. Yukiko let out a bellow of disgust, rivaling Rise's own.

"Wait, what?" Yu turned his head, distracted from his attempts to pry Rise off of him.

Chie's face turned blazing hot as the attention was back on her. The fact that Yosuke was also stuck with her just made her feel worse. So, she did what her drunk mind told her was a good idea. "Sometimes, Yosuke puts on a silver wig and asks me to call him 'Yu Narukami' when we have sex!"

"You back-stabbing bitch!" Yosuke roared.

"E-excuse me!?" Naoto's flushed face was frozen in a look of utter shock.

"S-shit, dude. That's... that's..." Kanji was left speechless.

"Kinky," Rise giggled.

But Yosuke wasn't going down alone! He turned his stare at his ex-sex buddy and made his own announcement. "Sometimes Chie dresses up as, and orders me to call her-"

"Don't you say it, you bastard!"

"YUKIKO. AMAGI."

"AHHHH!"

 _I'm too sober for all of this._ "Fuck it. Come on, you two." Yukiko grabbed a few bottles of hard alcohol and looked at the two. "You're BOTH helping me burn my bed."

"What?!"

"But Yukiko-"

"Now, Chie!"

"O-okay! Come on, Hanamura..."

The three left the bar, leaving the rest of their friends to watch them go. Rise and Kanji were still half naked.

"Huh..." Yu began. He turned to face his girlfriend with an honest smile on his face. He began to chuckle, silently pulling his girlfriend towards him with one hand. With the other, he pulled Rise close, which also brought along Kanji. He hugged all three of his friends as he laughed. "I love coming here."

 **END**

You know, I've never actually gone drinking before. I don't drink alcohol at all, actually. I have nothing against it, but it is simply not for me. That said, I think bars are fun settings in fiction, and drunk people can be fun to listen to (again, in fiction).

Hope you enjoyed whatever this is. Its a comedy story first, so don't expect any kind of drama or 'reality' to it most of the time. This isn't some melodramatic story about people drinking their cares away. This is just some silly stuff I wanted to draw as I plan out the darker parts of my other story, 'Just a Delinquent' (shameless plug).

Any major OOCness I'll chalk up to the alcohol. Rise's happy for Yu and Naoto and would never try to break them apart... when sober. Hey, if you want a good story about her being super nice and helping the two fall in love despite also having feelings for Yu, check out my other story 'The Detective Princess and Her Foolish Knight' (BOOM. Two plugs. I'm basically an outlet).

Anything else...? Oh, if you have any requests for the drunken antics of our heroes, leave a review. All the characters will get a chance to show off their silly sides.


	2. Protect Me With Your Penis, Senpai!

**"Protect Me With Your Penis, Senpai!"**

With much effort, Naoto and Yu had calmed the two parties down. Yu had convinced Yukiko, Chie, and Yosuke that setting a bed on fire inside of a wooden inn was not a good idea, while Naoto threatened to get Rise and Kanji arrested if they didn't calm down and get dressed. The group had then piled into Yosuke's car, with Yu at the driver seat and Naoto in the passenger seat.

"You guys going to be okay driving back?" Yukiko inquired, looking at the groaning passengers in the back. Chie and Yosuke were sitting as far apart from each other as possible. Kanji and Rise were asleep and leaning on one another. Poor Teddie just looked at Yosuke and Chie with confused and sad glances.

"We'll be okay, Amagi-senpai," Naoto answered. Unlike the others (and Yukiko herself), Yu, Naoto, and Teddie had barely drank anything that night, so they were sober enough to take care of the others.

"We'll take everyone home so you can close up. Will you be okay?" Yu asked, concerned for his close friend.

Yukiko sighed and tried to smile, nodding her head. "Sure! I mean, I've been sleeping on that bed for months already. What's a few more nights?" With sympathetic smiles, the still sober members of the group bid their farewells and drove off. Yukiko was left alone as she walked back to her home, now dreading her own bed. As for the others...

"So... You like dressing up as me while having sex with Chie?"

"Who enjoys having sex while dressed up as Amagi-senpai," Naoto added, plainly.

"I don't want to talk about it," Yosuke hissed.

"Me neither..."

"You know, it could be due to seeing them as authority figures," the detective continued. "You look up to them, and want to feel the same level of respect that they are often given."

"Huh. That's interesting, Naoto." Yu gave his girlfriend a sincere smile, always enjoying her intellectual input. "Maybe what you two need is to learn that you are respected as yourselves. You don't need to dress up as me, or Yukiko to have that. Not that there's anything wrong with dressing up like us, honestly, I'm honored that you would-"

"Can we please stop talking about this?!" Yosuke groaned.

The car drove down the road in peaceful silence. The only sound was the crunch of the It was quickly broken.

"Sometimes I like wearing a wig. Like, with long, flowing hair. It makes me feel handsome..."

"No one cares, Kanji!" Chie and Yosuke roared.

Kanji pouted and hugged the sleeping Rise closer to him. "Okay."

* * *

Yukiko stared at her bed. What was once a place of safety and comfort was now a horrible scene of broken dreams and used condoms. _Oh God, what if they didn't use a condom?! OH GOD. What if it got on the bed?! I sleep there! AHHHHHH!_

That night, Yukiko slept in an empty guest room.

* * *

The next day, Chie got a call from her BFFH to come to Amagi's around noon. As soon as she had saw down, a flyer was pushed into her face. She jumped a bit, before reading the paper. "Amagi's Night of Flames? Yukiko, what exactly is this?" Chie questioned, holding the flyer in her own hand.

"Exactly what it sounds like."

"It sounds like you're going to set something on fire..."

"And that's what it is! Your drunk escapade last night taught me something, Chie!" Yukiko slammed her hands against the counter, surprising her friend as she continued. "Everyone has regrets! So I convinced my mom to let me throw a party tonight. Amagi's Night of Flames! 'Come and burn away your regrets and pains! Embrace tomorrow TODAY!'" she recited dramatically, swinging her arms to and fro.

"...Are you still a little drunk?"

"I might have had some morning wine, yes." The black haired girl rubbed a cold glass of water against her skull, sighing as the cold water numbed her pounding head. "Anyways, I need your help. We have a fire pit in the back that hasn't been used in a few years, so I'm going to need you and the others to clean that up and get it party-ready before the it starts... which is in about five or so hours."

"Wait, what?! Hold on a second, Yukiko!" Chie was silenced by Yukiko placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. The taller girl leaned forward with a similarly gentle smile.

"Now, Chie, I'm not mad at you for having sex on my bed with your sex-buddy," she giggled, her voice pleasant to the unfamiliar ear.

"Y-you're not?" _Why don't I believe her?_

"Of course not! Why would I be? It was just my bed. My bed that I've slept in since I was a kid. Now stained with your... sex juices. Why should I be upset? And the whole dressing-up-as-me thing? Water under the bridge!" The grip tightened as Yukiko leaned in even closer. Chie found herself shaking as her best friend's gaze drilled into her own eyes, down into her soul. "All the same, as my BFFH, I'd REALLY appreciate you doing this for me. Kay?"

"I'll call the others."

"I knew you'd see reason."

* * *

Once everyone was properly assembled, and given some headache medicine for their hangovers, the group was broken apart into teams of two. Yosuke and Teddie were sent out to gather party supplies, Kanji and Yu were at work cleaning up trash and moving heavy objects outside, while Yukiko and Chie put up decorations. That left Naoto and Rise to focus on making the food.

Well, Naoto made the food. Rise helped.

Speaking of which, the idol watched the blue haired detective cook with interested eyes. She was like a well oiled machine, counting the minutes off in her head as she balanced her time working on several different projects. She was working hard, and with good reason. The sun was already setting outside, meaning the party was just in a few hours. Despite that, the detective kept a cool head and continued to work tirelessly. .

 _Naoto sure is good at... a lot of things. Maybe I should just let her work instead of apologizing for last night? Sigh, no. I need to say my piece. I just hope she forgives me,_ Rise thought. She nervously moved some hairs out of her eyes before speaking. "Um... Hey, Naoto?"

"Yes, Rise?" The young woman was currently cutting a cucumber with amazing precision, chopping it into near perfectly divided slices.

"I just wanted to say... I wanted to tell you... Ah jeez," Rise sighed, rubbing her head. She planted her feet firmly onto the ground and looked at her friend. Naoto sensed her hesitation and turned to face her, concerned for the idol. "I want to say I'm sorry about last night. How I acted was wrong, and I'm sorry. I was being stupid, and petty, and jealous, and- and- and dumb!"She gave the blushing girl a kind, warm smile as she took a step closer. She had momentum now. Over the hill, now just roll on down. "You and Senpai are great together. If I could separate you two, which I can't because you two are meant for each other, I wouldn't. I'm happy that both of you found each other."

"Rise..."

"I just wanted you to know that. I'll apologize a hundred times over if you want, but I hope that this is a good start."

Naoto smiled at her friend and closed the gap between them, holding out her hand to Rise. "Apology accepted, Rise-chan, not that I was angry at you before. I understood you were heavily inebriated at the time."

"Heh. Yeah, I was." The two shared a small chuckle, before Rise lunged forward to embrace her friend in a tight hug. "Just take care of him, okay?"

The blushing Naoto could only respond by wrapped her own arms around the redhead and giving a small squeeze of acknowledgement. "I will." A long moment passed as the two held their embrace for a moment, before releasing one another. They both had warm smiles on their faces, though Naoto also had a small flush to her cheeks.

The sight made Rise giggle. "You're so cute. No wonder Senpai loves you."

"Oh... Um... T-thank you, Rise..."

"Now then! Let's cook!"

"R-right!" Naoto returned to preparing the meal, but now she had a smile on her face. She was so thankful of her life. She remembered how things used to be for her. A nomadic life of going from one place to another, solving mysterious and then being cast aside after her purpose was fulfilled, but now those days were gone and far behind her. She had the most amazing friends she could ever imagine and a boyfriend that made her flush just thinking about him. Yu Narukami. Her Senpai...

"Oh my gosh! No way! Naoto, look!"

"Huh?"

The red-haired beauty held a uniquely shaped bottle in her hand. There was a simple white label on it, with red letters stylized to look like paint strokes. "Nightmare Fuel! This stuff is banned in like five countries! How did Yukiko's family get a hold of it?!" Rise shook the bottle, hearing the liquid splash around inside. "I can't believe they have this stuff!"

"Rise, if that substance is as alcoholic as you seem to imply, I think you should put it away."

But her words fell on deaf ears. Rise looked at the bottle like she had found a glimmering jewel, or the lost treasure of an ancient world. She looked at Naoto with a cat-like smile. She took a step closer, and closer, smiling. "Hey Naoto," she sang. "I don't think I've ever seen you drunk before." That seemed to hit a nerve, because a furious blush formed on the bluette's cheeks.

She looked around nervously, trying to change the subject. "W-what are you talking about? You've seen me drink. Come on, let's get back to work!"

"I've seen you DRINK, but I've never seen you drunk! There's a big difference."

"I'm sure you have seen me 'drunk,' n-now please! Help me with... um... T-this stirring! Yes! This stirring is essential to the meal!" Naoto pleaded, a light sweat going down her head as she began to stir a pot of stew furiously.

"You're acting funny... Wait. Naoto, do you get 'crazy' when you drink?" The idol had a smile on her face as she stole the detective's hat, forcing her to turn to her. The bluette's face, as a contrast to her unique hair, was positively scarlet.

"I rarely remember things after I've become properly... um... inebriated. All I have to assume with is what others tell me. According to Senpai, I can be a 'handful.'" Naoto tried to reach for her hat, but the taller girl kept it out of her reach.

"Oh my gosh! That's too cute! That settles it! We're making a toast as soon as the food is ready! Time to get some shot glasses! We're trying this bad boy out!" Rise declared, finger pointed to the roof.

"W-were you listening?! I don't remember anything that happens when I'm intoxicated! I won't have any real control over my actions!" Naoto watched as the idol skipped over to a drawer, opening it to reveal several shot glasses. "Rise! Please!"

"Come on, Naoto! Its a party! And I promise to look after you! I won't even have anything to drink for the whole night! I promise! Just let loose! Have some fun! Okay?"

"W-we'll...One shot shouldn't cause too much of a problem."

* * *

Kanji and Yu smiled at their hard work. The place was clean, and the wood was placed in the firepit, ready to be burned. Chie and Yukiko finished putting up the last of the decorations, making the backyard of the Amagi Inn appear like a pretty nice place to party. With a flick of a switch, the rainbow colored lights streamed about turned on, creating a beautiful sight that only got prettier as it got darker. Yosuke and Teddie soon arrived with the final supplies. A few extra decorations, ice for the coolers, some more drinks, and finally-

"Is that...a bowl full of condoms?" Chie asked.

"Yep," Yukiko answered, not sounding very proud of the bowl in her hand. She placed the bowl on a table and rotated it slightly to look the most appealing.

"W-why?"

"Chie, most of our friends are young adults trying to live out the glory days before they become responsible members of society. Trust me, this is needed."

Chie felt she should have argued, but considering the thin ice she was already on with her BFFH, she kept her mouth shut on the matter and just nodded along. She looked around and noticed Rise and Naoto were bringing out the food by now, making the party look near ready. It just needed one last thing.

The guests.

"Hey, guys!"

Speak of the Devil. Actually, Sayako wasn't here, but Kou and Daisuke were!

"Kou, Daisuke! Good to see you guys again," Yu grinned, walking over to high five his old friends.

"Narukami! What's up, dude?" Kou beamed.

"Feels like its been weeks since we've gotten to hang out!" Daisuke noted.

Behind the two were more guests. It seemed, despite the short notice, word had spread fast regarding the party.

"Where's Risette?!" One voice cried.

"Risette!?"

"Risette!"

 _Oh. Yeah, that probably helps,_ Yukiko thought. She shook it off with a shrug though. _Oh well. Not like it matters. I better get this fire started so we can start burning stuff. Wait a second...Where are Rise and Naoto?_

* * *

A promise is a promise and after all, Naoto Shirogane was a woman of her word. She had gone back into the inn, sat down in the kitchen, and made her toast with Rise. She downed the drink as best she could, hoping to merely get the experience over with. Part of her doubted that the 'Nightmare Fuel' was potent as it was implied to be. She would have checked the bottle for more information on the drink's makeup, but all there was besides the label were pictures of screaming faces.

In hindsight, this all seemed like a bad idea.

"Hic."

"Wow, that didn't take long. How you feeling, Naoto?" Rise smiled from across the table.

"Heh. Just fine, Rise-chan," Naoto giggled. That was a clear indicator that things were not fine. Naoto does not giggle in a 'fine' situation. So either things were amazing, or burning-plane levels of terror.

"You seem happy."

"Of course I'm happy!" Naoto gasped. Rise was shocked to find the blue haired detective standing up from her seat and embracing the idol. "I'm with my best friend! I love you, Rise-chan!"

"W-wow! Drunk Naoto's affectionate!" The red haired girl hugged her friend back, making the detective giggle in joy. "I kind of like Drunk Naoto. She isn't so wound up as Sober Naoto. No offense."

"None taken! More, please?" She held out her empty glass, shaking it so the ice jingled around. Rise was minded of Naoto's child-like Shadow from all those years ago, but Drunk Naoto was far nicer and less...insane.

"Naoto, you should be careful. This stuff is really potent." Rise poured her friend's glass half way, and watched in horror as she downed the drink in one go.

Naoto let out a loud, exaggerated sigh of relief, before patting her tummy. "Yum!" She suddenly gasped and pulled her friend up from her seat. She pulled the girl over to the counter and she smiled at the confused woman. "Rise-chan! Do you wanna hear a joke?"

Her friend smiled and nodded, "Sure, Naoto. Tell me a joke?"

The blue haired girl was already giggling and snorting before she even spoke. "W-what-teehee- What did-HA! Heheee!- What did the DETECTIVE." She pointed at herself as she swayed back and forth. Rise had the resist the urge to laugh as she held her friend's shoulders, stabilizing her. "Thank you! Ahem! What did the detective say to her idol best friend?"

"I don't know, Naoto. What did the detective say to her idol best friend?"

Naoto reached into her pocket, to Rise's confusion. Suddenly she pulled out a pen and grabbed her friend's hand. She slammed the hand against the counter and impaled the pen between her fingers, stabbing through the metal counter. "Yu Narukami is mine. Not. Yours," she hissed.

"W-what?" Rise's voice cracked as she tried to free her arm, only to find Naoto's grip far too strong.

"I meant what I said, Rise-chan," Naoto giggled. She yanked the pen out of the counter and twirled it between her fingers. "I do love you. You're my best friend who isn't Senpai! So that's why I'm so lenient with your 'behavior,' and if Senpai ever wanted to do a threesome? I'd happily share him with you!" Drunk Naoto's face was slightly red as she spoke. Whether it was the alcohol or the matter she was talking about, Rise didn't know or honestly care. "But that's just it. Share. Share means he's still mine. Do you know who I didn't like, Rise-chan? Naoto ripped the pen out of counter with ease and began to carve something into the metal surface.

"W-who?" Rise whimpered, pulling at her arm. She flinched as the sound of metal being carved into stung her ears.

"Ai Ebihara. She was mean. Mean, mean, mean. Tried to steal my Senpai." Naoto's cheeks puffed up with childish rage. It'd been adorable were she not holding a ridiculously sharp pen in her hand. "I saw her throwing herself at my Senpai. The whore tried flirting with him, but my Senpai was too pure for that! Too pure to fall for her. All the same, I made sure Ebihara paid for flirting with my Senpai."

Naoto released the idol and examined the message she cut into the counter. "I broke her bike's brakes a couple of months ago. Do you remember?"

Rise did. "Y-yeah. She fell. Sprained her arm..."

"Mmm... I didn't plan on her dying, so I'm glad she didn't. But I heard it hurt. Senpai was nice enough to get her flowers and cook for her. He's so sweet," Naoto giggled.

Rise looked behind the girl. She saw the exit. Then she looked at Naoto, who was still staring at the counter. She slowly made her way for the exit, sidestepping around Naoto.

"Did... Did you really do that?"

"Maybe. Or maybe Ebihara has poor bike maintaining abilities. Maybe she should have inspected her bike before riding it, and I'm merely taking advantage of her misfortune to warn you about the dangers of stealing my Senpai." There wasn't any response. Naoto looked up and around, noticing the idol was gone. She blinked, before giggiling. "Probably had to go to the bathroom! Silly, willy, Rise-chan! Oh well!" With a giggle and a skip, the detective went off to find her Senpai.

On the metal counter, a message had been carved into it. A large heart with an arrow through it, with a short message etched in the center. 'Yu Narukami + Naoto Shirogane.'

* * *

"Think about it. Sex is exactly like basketball! You go in, play with a few balls, dribble them, pass them to a friend, dunk them, and then you either leave a champion with a trophy or leave with people booing you," Kou explained.

His friend stared at him with dewildered eyes, before looking up at the rainbow lights above them. "Well..." Daisuke thought for a moment, before smiling. "I suppose you're not wrong."

"AHHHHHH!" Rise ran past the two, shocking both of them.

"Whoa! What's up with her?" Daisuke asked.

"Maybe..." Kou let out a hiccup and laughed at the sound his throat made. He swayed back and forth as he thought. "Maybe, she's gonna join the Basketball team."

"...You think so?" His friend thought about it, before sighing. "I wish she joined my soccer team. We could use someone with that speed."

"Yosuke! Yu! Help!" The redheaded woman came to a skidding halt in front of her two senpais. She was panting as she tried to talk, only confusing the two older men.

"Whoa, what happened, Rise-chan?" Yosuked asked as Yu walked over to help her stand.

"N-Naoto! It's Naoto!" She panted.

"What?! Is she hurt?!" Yu shouted.

"N-no! She and I found some Nightmare Fuel and-"

"What! Nightmare Fuel? Isn't that stuff banned in like five countries?" Yosuke said.

"Six," Yu corrected.

"She drank some of it, and- and now-"

"Wait." Yosuke held out his hand as a chill went up his spine. "DRUNK Naoto is here?! You got Naoto drunk?! Did you at least take away her gun and tactical pen?!"

"What the heck is a tactical pen?!"

"It's a pen built to STAB PEOPLE! Oh God, Partner, you gotta stop her!"

"Wait, you know what she's like, Yosuke-Senpai?"

The brunnete nodded as Yu felt a similar shiver go down his spine... and his cheeks turned flush. "Naoto got stuck out of town on a case. She missed her bus, so Yu and I were on our way to pick her up. We stopped by this small resturant on the way back, and I convinced her and Yu to have a few drinks. After a half hour or so..."

* * *

"Shhhh." Naoto held a finger to her lips, before smiling. "It's okay. They can't prove anything," she giggled.

Yu and Yosuke merely watched the fire, thankful that no one was inside.

* * *

"Let's just say being a detective also means she knows a lot of ways not to be caught committing a lot of minor offenses," Yosuke shuddered.

"You two go. Enjoy the party. I'll take care of Naoto," Yu commanded.

"Y-you sure you can handle her alone?" Yosuke wondered. "I mean, you know how she gets when she's..."

"I'm the only one who can stop her. This is my fight, not yours."

"Senpai..."

"Go now. Both of you." Yu dramatically pointed to the distance. "I'll find Naoto and bring her home."

"It was an honor," Yosuke declared.

"The honor was mine."

Yu Narukami finished his drink and began to march, facing down the greatest threat of his entire life. Yosuke and Rise watched him go, until he was lost in the crowd of party-goers.

"... I need a drink," Rise sighed.

"You too, huh?"

* * *

It wasn't hard to find Naoto. She was on a table, dancing to the beat of the music, bottle in her hand, her precious hat in the other. Several people she knew watched her go, clapping and cheering her along. Alcohol truly was a social lubricant.

 _It also brings out Naoto's inner Yandere, but hey, it's still kind of nice seeing Naoto let loose and have fun with friends,_ Yu thought. Regardless, he walked past the cheering masses and stood beside the table, watching the dancing Naoto.

"Hey, Naoto," Yu greeted, walking towards the cackling detective. "How are-"

"Senpai!" Like a blue rabbit, Naoto jumped down. She wrapped her arms and legs around her boyfriend and squeezed him tight, like a warm blanket. "Senpai's here! Senpai's here! Senpai is...HERE!" She sang as Yu wrapped his arms around his girlfriend, ensuring she didn't fall to the ground. He sighed in relief when he was able to stand with the girl wrapped around him. "Hi," she smiled at him, and a blush formed on his face due to how cute his girlfriend looked.

 _Gah... She's so cute, even when she's drunk!_ "H-hey, Naoto."

"Silly!" She giggled, and it sounded like angels flying over his head. "You already said that! Are you tired, Senpai? Do you need a nap? Do you wanna nap with me!?" The look in her eye sharpened, and Yu felt his heart skip a beat. Her intentions were clear with that statement.

 _She looks beautiful. Like an angel. A drunk angel. No! Focus. She needs you to be strong, Yu!_

"Naoto, you're drunk," he stated, matter-of-factly.

Naoto blinked for a moment, like a deer in headlights to his gaze, before gasping. "I am?"

"Yes. You're very, very drunk. Let's go to the car and get you home."

"Home? Ooooh! I get it!" Naoto nodded her head several times, before pecking her boyfriend's nose. "I have used my detective skills to hypothesize that Senpai wants to have sex with me!"

"What?! Naoto, I-"

"Silly, Senpai. If you wanted to have sex with me, all you had to do was ask. I'm always ready for you," she moaned. Yu's heart skipped again as she practically began to hump his chest. Several party-goers looked at the silverette as the girl unwrapped her arms and began to unbutton her shirt, threatening to free her large breasts.

"Whoo! You go, dude!"

"Somebody's gonna get BUZZEEE!"

"Lucky bitch..."

"Well, it looks like Yu just got himself a slam dunk," Kou grinned, proudly lifting a drink in his friend's direction. Daisuke cheerfully clicked his own glass with his.

"N-Naoto! Stop!" Yu pleaded, his face turning tomato-like as he watched his girlfriend disrobe.

She paused, only to pout. Her eyes began to tear up as she whimpered and struggled to speak clearly. "Am... Am I not good enough, Senpai? Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry!" Naoto broke the last half of her embrace, nearly falling to the floor as she cried.

"N-no! You haven't done anything wrong! Its just... Um... W-we're in public. We should go... somewhere private. Like our car?"

Like a flip of the coin, or her Shadow self, Naoto's mood flipped. She tapped her chin with the bottle, while she tried to drink her hat. "Hmm. I'll go with you on ONE condition!"

 _Oh, this is a bad sign._ "Okay, Naoto. What's your condition?"

"I want a kiss!"

 _Oh. That seems fair._ Yu thanked his lucky stars, before nodding his head with a smile. "Very well. I accept these terms."

"Close your eyes," she gently commanded. He obeyed. With his vision gone, Naoto took the bottle of Nightmare Fuel she held and downed it. She filled up her mouth until she looked like a chipmunk with it's mouth full. She then wrapped her arms around her Senpai and kissed him, pushing the powerful beverage down his mouth.

The man realized what was happening all too late. He tried to pull his girlfriend off of him, but her grip was shockingly strong for her small body. He let out a muffled cry of argument, but Naoto replied back with a muffled cheer. Without much choice, Yu was forced to accept the drink, swallowing the surprisingly sweet and warm drink. Once their mouths were properly emptied, the bluette freed her boyfriend and smiled. The silvertte merely stood there, eyes unblinking as the alcoholic drink set in.

Most people had never met Drunk Yu. Usually, the young man was very good about not drinking too much and staying in control of himself. Only his girlfriend, best friend, and uncle had seen him drunk and he had hoped to keep it that way. His Personas had a very different plan in mind.

 **"Move aside, sluts! Mara's running the show from here on!" A voice laughed. The chariot riding, certain-body-looking Persona kicked down the door to the control room of Yu's mind.**

 **"Huh?! Mara! Get out!" Izanagi, Yu's default Persona and the usually in control, rose up from his seat. He tried pushing the disgusting creature out, only to be stuck grappling him.**

 **"Too bad, Izzy! Mara's in the driver seat!" Mara stuck out his tongue and stretched it out, licking Izanagi's face/mask thing and coating it with the white juices within his green body.**

 **"Oh my Me! I'm blind! It's in my eyes! And my mouth! I think? Oof!" Mara shoved the leather clad Persona out of the room and slammed the door shut behind him. With a mad chortle, he grabbed the controls and took control of the body.**

A large, wryly grin formed on Yu's face. He slowly and loudly licked his lips, before wiggiling his tongue in Naoto's face. She watched it with awe, before he gently picked his girlfriend up and held her in his arms. She blushed as their faces neared one another, feeling the other's breath. "I wish to do _things_ to you," he whispered. "Does Yu Narukami have your permission to do _things_ to you?

"Yes..."

"Gooood."

* * *

Kanji waved goodbye to Naoki, smiling as the boy left to go talk to some other kids from their old school. He walked around to find one of his friends to talk to, only to stop as he saw a familiar couple. Yu and Naoto had their arms around each other, madly making out with one another. There was tongue. A lot of it.

"Mmmm! Senpai! More!"

"Senpai will give you more, _baby_..."

"And I'll just... leave," Kanji sighed, turning around and walking away from the passionate couple. It wasn't long before he found another friend sitting alone on a bench, bottle and plastic cup in hand. "Hey, Rise."

"Hey, Kanji," the girl sighed.

"You saw Senpai and Naoto..."

"Yep. You?"

"Yep."

Rise scooted to the side and and gently patted the spot beside her. Kanji offered a weak smile before joining her. She poured some Nightmare Fuel into the cup and handed it to the man. "Naoto gave this to me when she started making out with Senpai." The boy glanced at her as he sipped at the cup. "I'm still trying to figure out if she was passing it to me or throwing it at me..."

"..." Kanji looked at his now empty cup and sighed. "Sorry..."

She shrugged in response. "I told Naoto I was happy for her and Senpai getting together, and I meant it, but... but..." She sniffled, and the man beside her was reminded of last night.

"H-hey! D-don't cry! Uhh- Look!" Kanji reached to the closest thing he could find and held it to her. "Look at this this... this... Condoms?"

Rise stared at his hand, watching it squeeze half a dozen condoms.

* * *

"Thanks for the help, Teddie," Yukiko smiled as she watched the wood begin to burn. The smaller, blonde boy smiled back at her.

"My pleasure, Yuki-chan!"

Yukiko and the young man watched the flames flicker and dance. The party-goers surrounded the firepit, cheering and drunkenly yell at the flames. But Teddie's attention wasn't on the dancing colors or flowing embers. His attention was on the black haired woman beside him. He watched the light of the fire trace her features, making her look even more beautiful than she already was.

"Um... Yuki-chan?"

"Hm?"

Teddie took a deep breath and stepped closer to her. He thought of his Sensei and how cool he always acted around Naoto. Time to measure up, Teddie! "I've been per-bear-ing what to say for a while now. Thinking about what to say, or what to do. I've always thought you were really-"

"HEY! No bottles in the fire! Get the hell away from there, asshole!" Yukiko roared, stomping away from the blonde boy and over to a small group.

"Huh? Yuki-chan!" Teddie slapped his forehead and let out an exasperated sigh. "Darn it." He pouted at his loss, only to see another pretty face waving at him. He didn't know who she was, but she seemed nice, and saw was waving him over as she danced with her fellow cute friends. Teddie stared at them with curious, sapphire eyes, before grinning. "Maybe tomorrow she'll have time." And with that, Teddie skipped over to the girl and joined their dance.

* * *

In the crowd of fire-watchers, Yosuke sat on a lawn chair with awe. It was a beautiful looking fire, and comforting with its warmth against his skin. He was so enthralled by the dancing embers that he didn't even realize someone was walking over to him.

"Hey... This seat taken?"

"Hm? No, go right ahead."

"Thanks, Hanamura."

"Huh?" He turned his head and he swore in his mind as he saw his ex-sexfriend staring at him with a raised brow. "C-Chie?"

"Yep." She planted her ass on the lawn chair beside him and stared at the fire with the young man. He stared at her, confused, before shrugging it off and finishing his cup. Judging by the look on her face, she was slightly drunk. Judging by the way he wasn't turning tail and leaving, he was probably super drunk.

She didn't say anything until she had finished her cup. "So, you tossed anything in?"

"Huh?"

"Ya know... 'Come and burn away your regrets and pains! Embrace tomorrow TODAY!'" She recited, mimicking her friend's over-dramatic posing and hand waving.

He chuckled at the sight, if only briefly. "Yeah." He wasn't smiling when he answered, Chie noticed.

"What'd you throw in?"

"... The headphones you gave me."

"What?! I spent a fortune on those!" She ground her teeth and angrily tossed her empty cup into the firepit, watching the cup die in the fire with a scowl on her face. "You freakin' dick..."

"You weren't complaining about it a week ago," Yosuke mumbled. She heard, but pretended not to as she sat on her chair with a bright blush. "...You throw anything in?"

"Yeah. That bracelet you gave me."

"What the hell?! That thing cost _me_ a fortune! You couldn't have just given it back to me?!" Yosuke growled, standing up from his chair. Chie stood up with him and glared into his eyes. Despite her smaller size, her ferocity matched the taller boy's perfectly.

"I could have, but I didn't."

Their raging face neared one another. They played their game, having forgotten about the dozens of people around them. One of them was going to blink, and neither wanted to be the loser. The game looked like it could go on forever (or the rest of the night, whichever came first), but Chie had a trump card.

"Pretty sure I bought you that shirt."

"..."

"..."

"You know what? Fine." Yosuke grabbed the rim of his plain, white shirt and threw it into the air. It burned up moments after landing in the fire.

"And those pants..."

"What about them?!"

"I remember doing 'it' a few times with you wearing them."

"Fine!" He unzipped his pants and tossed them into the fire to. He stood there in his orange boxers, ignoring the cheers and catcalls around him. Chie had a smirk on her face, but that smirk quivered when her eyes glanced at his toned body. It went away completely when he spoke again. "I guess you'd know. After all, you spent a lot more time down there then I did."

"Go to hell, Yosuke!"

The two were back to glaring at one another, but this time, Yosuke was near naked. If it bothered the drunk man, he didn't show it. Instead he just crossed his arms and smiled. "Hey." His eyes stared at her chest.

 _"What?"_ She asked, blushing as she tried to ignore his gaze.

"I always really liked that bra."

"..."

* * *

"Thanks for the help, guys," Yukiko smiled.

"No problem, Yukiko. A basketball team's gotta work together if they're gonna win, you know? They gotta pass the ball between each other, and sometimes, you gotta ask for help if you want to make that slam dunk," Kou mused. Daisuke just gave a thumbs up as he and his friend carried the bed.

"Um... R-right." The black haired woman looked around the area, mentally counting off her friends. Teddie was dancing with some girls ( _just a bunch of floozies,_ she noted), Kanji and Rise were opening up condoms and blowing into them, filling them up like balloons (G _onna have to deal with that later_ ), Yosuke and Chie were throwing their clothes into the fire, (T _hat's bad_ ), and Naoto and Yu were making out with each other, grinding their bodies against one another ( _Wow. You go, Naoto-kun.)_

With the help of the two athletes, the large bed was tossed into the larger firepit and burned. The crowd cheered and some even began chanting as Yukiko sighed in relief. The deed was done. She could finally have a peaceful night sleep without having to worry about what Yosuke and Chie did together.

It seemed the loud cheering and tribal chants was enough to get Naoto and Yu's attention. The blue haired detective ran over and tossed something shiny into the fire. "Yay!" Naoto cheered.

"Awww, look. She's having fun," Yukiko observed.

"Wait...Naoto, was that your gun?" Yu inquired, running behind the girl.

"Yep!"

"Did you empty it?"

"...I dunno," she laughed, snorting as she hugged her Senpai. "My Senpai. Mine.

 _Wait... Gun?! Bullets?!_ "Everybody, look out!" Yukiko screamed, catching the attention of only a few party-goers. They looked at her with shock and confusion, before returning to the party. The raved haired bartender looked at the burning, metal gun and watched it... do nothing, but burn.

"Oh. I guess she did empty it." _Phew! That was close!_

"Here you go, Fire-kun! Eat up! And in return, you'll stay away from Senpai! He's mine!" Naoto reached into her pocket and threw a handful of bullets into the raging fire. Yukiko's eyes widened as Yu stared at the falling, lead objects.

"Oh shit." That was Yu ahd time to say as the bullets suddenly began to explode in the fire.

"AHHHH!

"Oh my God!"

"I'm hit! No... No, wait. Its red wine."

"Run!"

Like firecrackers, the bullets began to explode. Hysteria and panic set into the dancing masses as they began to turn and run, screaming and yelling in a wild mess of people. Meanwhile, Naoto twirled in place.

"Whee! Fireworks!"

 **"Mara, please!" Izanagi banged on the metal door separating him and the control room. "Save Naoto!"**

 **Mara heard his cries, and for all of his disgusting and perverted traits, he knew that Izanagi was making the right call. He pushed on the controls, pushing the body forward. "Don't worry, Naoto! Mara will save you!"**

"I'll save you, Naoto! With. MY. PENIS!" He declared, picking Naoto up bridal style and dodging fragments of metal.

"Senpai?!"

"Wait, what did he say?!" Yukiko shrieked.

 **"Yes! You did...Wait, what did you make Yu say?!"**

Naoto, to her credit, didn't seem that upset with the idea. In fact, she was practically beaming with excitement."Yay! Protect me with your penis, Senpai!"

Meanwhile, Kanji tried pulling Rise to safety, only for the girl to plant her feet firmly onto the ground. "No! I'll protect you, -hic- Kanji!"

"W-what?!"

"I was shot once! I'm -HIC- IMMUNE!"

"What?"

"Go ahead, bullets! Hit me! IT DOES NOTHING!"

"What."

Needless to say, it was a night to remember.

 **END**

Eh. I'll proofread this later. I'mma go see Kung Fu Panda 3. See you, hoes, later.

I'm just kidding. I love you guys. Hope you enjoyed the story. I don't think it was as funny as the first, but that's partly cause I had to do some set up and planning. Also, a subtle (subtle?!) theme of the story? Much like Shadows, everyone has a Drunk self.

The Drunk you is just as much as you as You you are. Everybody's got one, don't be ashamed of it, embrace it. Actually, don't embrace it. Your liver will kill you.

Also, am I the only one who thinks Naoto is a bit of Yandere? I mean, she does get you a watch that tells her where you are. The only reason the range isn't better is because she lacked the tools. That means, if she could have, she'd want to know where you are at all times.

I mean, I love Naoto, but man. She loves her Senpai.

Have a good day, everyone.

Oh, and if you like this story, go check out my other works, please. Or don't. It's your life. Just know, I'll cry like a total bitch if you don't read my other stories. LIKE. A. BITCH.


	3. You're a Penis Demon

**"You're a Penis Demon."**

"Hello, everyone. As you may already know, I am Izanagi. This is my associate-"

"Ha. You said ass!"

"Mara. We're here to discuss the story, 'Welcome to Amagi's,' with you and the future of said story. As you can tell, this story has not been updated in over two months."

"Burn the author!"

"Now, while Leafydream may be too much of a coward to actually speak to you, he has been trying to write Chapter 3 for a while now.."

"Wouldn't this be Chapter 3?"

"Shut up, Mara. Ahem. So why hasn't this story been updated? Simple. Leafydream does not consider himself a comedy writer. Comedy is probably the most difficult genre for him to write, at least as a longer, multi-chapter novel. As the old saying goes, 'dying is easy. Comedy is hard.' So that's why the story's taking so long, but he's not blind to the reviews, nor is he ignoring the obvious demand there probably is for this story."

"Mara saw two whole people voting for it on the profile poll! That must mean millions are waiting for the next installment of drunk people!"

"Right. So to speed up the process and bring you amazing readers the story you want, Leafy has asked Mara and I to find out what... it is you want. Make sense?"

"No."

"Shut up, Mara. First, let's start off with a simple question. What kind of comedy do you, the amazing reader, want? Let's show some examples. This example actually came from the original idea for Chapter 3, which takes place after the party. Roll it."

* * *

 **Yosuke had never had the best luck. His first love died, then it turned out she hated him, he got wrapped up into a mystery involving evil clones and TVs, his second love dumped him after only using him for sex and to feed her weird fetishes, and his motorcycle got towed last week. Yes, life truly did hate Yosuke Hanamura, and yet the boy did his best to keep an optimistic outlook on his life. He could, and would, always strive to find the silver lining in life.**

 **This was the biggest challenge yet though.**

 **Because his back was killing him after sleeping in a tree.**

 **Naked.**

 **He was naked. In a tree.**

 **With a hangover.**

 **"I feel splinters in places I shouldn't..."**

* * *

"Mara's favorite part was the part where Yosuke was naked and talking about splinters on his di-"

"I think the readers can guess what your favorite part was, Mara. Anyways, do you like that kind of random, awkward situation humor? Or do you prefer more dialogue heavy material with a dash of pain, like this?"

* * *

 **"Kou? Kou Ichigo? What happened to you?" Chie asked, helping the young man up from the floor. "Oh my gosh, a-are you bleeding?!"**

 **"Huh?" The blue haired athlete touched his lip, and looked at it. There was indeed some blood coming from his mouth. "Huh. I guess I am."**

 **"Dude... What happened to you?" Yosuke asked, walking over.**

 **Kou stared into the distance, struggiling to remember the events of last night. "Well, there was the party, remember? You and Chie were throwing your clothes into the fire, and I thought, 'Man. Chie sure does looks hot from over here.' and Daisuke said-"**

 **"Fast forward," demanded Yosuke, rubbing his forehead in annoyance.**

 **"Oh. Well, we found a couple of Nerf guns sitting around inside the Inn."**

 **"Why... Why were there Nerf guns just sitting around?" Chie inquired.**

 **"Well, they were attached to these kids."**

 **"Oh. I guess that expla-"**

 **"So we took them."**

 **"Wait, what?"**

 **"And we started shooting each other. I ran out of ammo, so Daisuke pistoled whipped me with his Nerf gun."**

 **"Whoa! You got pistol whipped?! That's awesome!" Yosuke grinned.**

 **"How is that awesome?!" Chie frowned.**

 **"Oh come on, everyone wants to be in a shoot out and end it with a pistol whip. Everyone."**

 **Chie glared at the two boys, watching them high five and bro fist with a scowl on her face before sighing. "Yeah, okay. That'd be pretty cool."**

* * *

"Comedy is misery, as the old saying goes."

"Mara loves clip shows. Like video scrapbooks. Sometimes, Mara scrapbooks. Very calming."

"Really? Mara, I had no idea you had other hobbies besides being... you know. You."

"Mara considers that a compliment."

"Right. Here's another example of humor, this time as simple, pure, drunken fun."

* * *

 **"BOOM!" Rise slammed her mug against the table and dramatically pointed a finger at Naoto. "Boom. Boom. BOOM! Look who got engaged first, you androgynous bitch!" She laughed, pointing at the ring on her finger. "Kanji proposed to me last night and we are now BETROTHED! OH! Rise Kujikaw-owned! WHOO!"**

 **Rise then took her mug and her ring and began to proudly march around the table. "I have a handsome, sexy husband and what do you got?! My sloppy seconds Senpai! That's what they call him! Yu 'Sloppy Seconds Senpai' Narukami!"**

 **"Rise, you're drunk," sighed Naoto.**

 **"I'm not drunk. I'm drinking! Present tense, bitch!" As if to emphasize the point, Rise took another swig of her drink, proudly reveling in her supposed victory.**

 **"... How did you pay for that ring?" Yosuke looked at Kanji, brow raised. Kanji took a sip from his drink, before putting a finger to his lip.**

 **"Shh. Bought it from a toy store. Don't tell Rise."**

 **"Ah. Good job, dude," he snorted, elbowing the blonde.**

 **"I'm engaged! Mrs. Rise Tatsumi! TATSUMI'ED! Whoo!"**

* * *

"If you thought all of these examples were equally funny, leave a review saying that. If you thought one was funnier than the other, say so. The simple truth is, Leafydream wants to know what his strengths are. If you thought stuff in the last two chapters were strong, say why and how. Help him learn how to write comedy for you, his amazing readers."

"Hilariously derailing one-liner."

"Thank you, Mara. Finally, one other question. What would you prefer in terms of continuity? The original idea for chapter 3 was a 'clean up' of sorts, after the party, but Leafy is having a hard time with the plot. Now, if you would prefer for events to play off of each other in that manner, say so. If you want a lot of continuity between chapters, say so. If you'd prefer a more 'series-esque way of things, where every 'episode' is just about the team's silly adventures? Say so."

"The author is writing this story by the seat of his pants. There is no plan."

"Which is another reason why this story takes so long to update. We have no idea how long this story will be. Could be five chapters, could be two, could be ten. We're not sure, but that's why we're here. So please. Leave a comment saying what kind of stuff you want in this story, even go as far as to request a plot or an event. Help give Leafy some motivation and let's get this story updated!"

"Mara is very inspired. Mara is filled with so much inspiration, he could explode! Just shoot out inspiration everywhere, because Mara-"

"Yes. I get it. You're a penis demon. Shut up, Mara."

 **END**

... Yep. Basically that.

Questions, comments, ideas, requests... Whatever. Tell me. I want to write a good, fun story for you guys, so help me do that.

Have a good day. Take care and stay safe.


	4. Used Condoms and Broken Dreams!

**"Used Condoms and Broken Dreams!"**

 _Pipipipipi_

Yukiko groaned as the sun's rays hit her face. She held up her hand and grumbled to herself. "Five more minutes..." Her phone held little sympathy for the whimpering dreamer. "Stupid rasser frassen..." The young woman aimlessly reached around for her cell phone, before finally finding it and bringing the device to her ear. "Hello? Amagi Inn... How may I... ahhhh... How may I help you?" She yawned.

"Yukiko? Sweetie? Are you okay? You sound so tired."

"Mom?!" Yukiko gasped and rolling off of her bed and onto the floor. "Ow! Shiiii-shiitake mushrooms! Sorry! I'm fine, just- just making some shiitake mushrooms!"

"Oh... kay. Well, I just wanted to let you know that I'm on my way back. I hope you kids didn't party too hard last night."

"Huh? Oh, sure, yeah! The Inn is just-" Yukiko's voice died in her throat as she looked around.

She walked on wobbling legs to the room's window, peering through the glass to the war torn hellhole the Amagi backyard had morphed into. Outside looked like a twister blew through. Tables were overturned, chairs were smashed, and bottles littered the once pleasant area. Yukiko felt her heart skip a beat as she stared at the utter devastation. It was like a thousand Chies had made the wide, peaceful backyard their home and had been living there for a few months. The mess was pretty bad, is what I'm getting at.

"Ksch! KSSSCH! You're breaking up! Love you, bye!" Yukiko quickly ended the call and held her head. "I have got to get this place cleaned up! Where are the others?! What happened last night?!" She suddenly flinched from the sound of her own voice. She rubbed her temples in an attempt to ease the pain, groaning to herself. "Ugh... I need painkillers..."

* * *

"Ugghhh..." Chie rose up from where she had been laying and immediately yelped as her forehead hit something hard. She rubbed her stinging head as she looked up, finding herself under a table. "Oh man... What happened last night?" The girl's head was pounding, and her body was sore as hell. She fished around her pocket, before pulling out her cell phone from her jacket. She had seven unread messages, some of which had pictures.

"Drunk Yosuke. Drunk Yosuke. Drunk Yukiko. Yosuke's dick... Ahhh!" Chie groaned, shielding her eyes from the horrid photo. She quickly put her phone back and struggled to get out from under the table. As she faced this challenge, she came to a revelation. Her cheeks flared as she resolved to sit under the table forever, stuffing her legs under jacket and hugging them. "Somehow, I know this is Yosuke's fault!"

Chie was completely naked save for her jacket.

And she had a hangover.

* * *

Rise mumbled a bit in her sleep as she slept. She reached over and grabbed her stuffed animal and pulled it close, burying it between her supple breasts. She smiled and giggled in her sleep. Her stuffed animal's fur was tickling her boobs with his fur.

"Rise! Rise!"

And it was calling out her name!

"Rise, get the hell off!"

"Mr. Usagi, that's not nice..." The idol pouted. "Do you need a kissy wissy?"

"W-what?! Rise, stop! Wake up!"

The red haired girl moaned and rubbed at her eye, wiping the sleep from it. "Huh? Mr. Usagi?" The idol looked around. It looked like she was in one of the Amagi Inn's rooms. She felt something tickling her chest and she looked down. "Huh?" Kanji's rosy head was trapped between her breasts and her arms were ensuring he stayed there.

"Would you let go?!" The blonde boy's muffled voice demanded, glaring at her.

"K-Kanji!?" Rise pushed and kicked at the boy, knocking him off the bed they were on. _Wait... Bed?_ She jumped and looked around the room again, closer this time. There were condoms all over the floor. Her cheeks turned bright her caramel eyes darted back and forth between Kanji and the many condoms. "No... No! NO! Moronji!? Did you... Did I... DID WE-?!"

"Shit! Not so loud..." Kanji grumbled, rising up from the floor, rubbing his injured ass as his wobbly legs tried to support him. "Can't believe you freakin' kicked me off the bed..."

"You pervert! You sleaze! You thief! You- you- you virginity robbing sleazebag!" Rise screamed, dashing towards the door.

"Huh? Pervert?! Why are- Oh shit!" He looked at the floor of stretched out condoms, before looking at the idol. "Wait, Rise-chan! No! We didn't- WHOA!" Kanji couldn't pursue the idol despite his best efforts. He ended up slipped on a condom and fell face first in a small pile of loose and slippery rubbers. "You got to be kidding me!"

* * *

"Mmm..." Naoto rose up from the bed and let out a long yawn as she stretched her arms to the ceiling. She rolled her shoulders once, twice, before looking to her side. A blush formed on her cheeks as she saw the sleeping silverette beside her. Considering neither of them were dressed, she could assume what had happened last night. The girl's face continued to burn as she tried to get out of bed.

"Mmmh." Yu's hand caught hers and he shifted slightly. "Stay... Need Naoto..."

The detective's cheeks burned a brighter shade of red, but she smiled all the same. She soon joined her lover, wrapping her arms around his body as she cuddled up beside him.

* * *

Yosuke had never had the best luck. His first love died, then it turned out she hated him, he got wrapped up into a mystery involving evil clones and TVs, his second love dumped him after only using him for sex and to feed her weird fetishes, and his motorcycle got towed last week. Yes, life truly did hate Yosuke Hanamura, and yet the boy did his best to keep an optimistic outlook on his life. He could, and would, always strive to find the silver lining in life.

This was the biggest challenge yet though.

Because his back was killing him after sleeping in a tree.

Naked.

He was naked. In a tree.

With a hangover.

"I feel splinters in places I shouldn't..."

* * *

"Crap, crap, crap!" Yukiko was not usually one for profanity. That said, the level of terror and stress she felt, plus the hangover pounding her head, was enough to bring out a few curse words. She ran down the stairs in a panic, only to trip and tumble down the rest of the flight, planting her face against the ground hard. "Ow..." She swayed back and forward as she slowly got up and looked around. "Oh no-no-no-no!... Where is everyone?! Mom's going to be here and she'll see what's going on and-"

Someone was cooking in the kitchen. Who? Why?! Well, the why was probably to eat something, but Yukiko wasn't exactly in a calm or logical place at the moment. _Wait... Of course! Yu! He's probably making breakfast! He'll know what to do!_

Yukiko had always admired the young man, but such a statement was about as common as 'the sky is blue.' Everyone loved Yu. He wasn't just Nanako's big brother, he was everyone's! He'd know what to do! He'd lead them into cleaning up the Amagi Inn and fixing any damages in minutes! Yukiko raced into the kitchen with a beaming smile on her face.

"Yu-kun?!"

"Nope! But I understand the confusion. Sensei and I bear-tically twins!" Teddie giggled, flipping a pancake as he waved at the girl. "Morning, Yuki-chan!"

"Teddie? You're still here? Wait, are you cooking?"

"Yep! Sensei's been teaching me! He said 'A good man should be open to learning new things, Teddie!' So I started to learn. Sensei says I'm pretty good!" The blonde boy grinned at the innkeeper as he flipped the pancake around.

"If Yu-kun is teaching you, I imagine you must be... A-anyways," Yukiko quickly composed herself. "Teddie, I need your help!"

"I'm pre-beared to help however I can, Yuki-chan!" Teddie declared. "What does Princess Yuki-chan need from her prince?"

Yukiko was tempted to scold the young man for bringing up _those_ memories, but she needed help now and beggars couldn't be choosers. "I need you to help me clean the inn up, gather up our friends, and tell anyone who is still here from the party to leave. Can you do that for me?"

"Can I? Watch me!" Teddie practically skipped over to the fridge with a smile on his face, to Yukiko's confusion. He opened it and began yelling at the produce inside. "Yuki-chan said you need to go! So go!" He declared, dramatically pointing behind him as the older girl walked closer.

"Teddie, why are you yelling at-"

"Ughh... Too bright..."

"What?! Naoki?! What are you doing in my fridge?!"

"Too loud... And I'm sleeping," the young boy groaned. He shielded his eyes from the light outside as he reached behind him and took out a carton of eggs. "Here are those eggs you were looking for, Ted..."

"Ooh! Thank you bear-y much!" The cook snatched the eggs and quickly returned to breakfast, allowing Naoki to close the fridge door. "Good night."

The innkeeper was left silent, flabbergasted to say the least. _This is going to be a lot harder than I thought..._

* * *

"Jeez, where did she go?! Where the hell is she?! Has this place always been this freakin' big?!" Kanji growled, running down the empty of the inn. "Rise! Rise! Rise, get your ass out here!"

Down the same wooden hallway, two young ladies walked in the opposite direction. "Look, all I'm saying is that just because of... y'know, that doesn't make a girl gay," Ai grumbled.

"Really? Licking another girl's unmentionables after proudly declaring that 'Men are worthless!' doesn't make you a lesbian?" Yumi retorted, eyes glimmering with laughter. "News to me."

"H-hey! I was really drunk last night! I just got that stupid cast off and- and I was excited for the party and-"

"Don't worry about it. I liked it."

"I- you... O-oh...?"

Before the conversation could continue, both girls were suddenly knocked to the ground. There was something heavy on them, especially on Ai. The young woman blinked and rubbed her head, rubbing the small bruise from colliding on the ground as she tried leaning up. She looked down and found someone's face planted firmly between her breasts. The young man stared back at her, his face a ruby rose as her eye began to twitch.

"Huh? Isn't that Kanji Tatsumi?" Yumi observed, lifting the boy's arm off her body. She blinked a few times, before chuckling at the sight. "Wow, and here I thought he played for the other team."

"I-"

"Pervert!" Ai gave a sharp kick, throwing the young man off of her. He fell onto his back, holding his bruised stomach as the two girls stood up. "What the hell is wrong with you?! Watch we're going you perverted, little punk!" She roared, moving closer to slap the boy silly, only to be stopped by Yumi's hands.

"S-shit! Ah! You kick almost as hard as Chie-senpai..."

"What did you say?! I'm better than that tomboyish little tramp! I-"

"Ai, maybe you should calm down?" suggested Yumi

The brunette let out an angry huff, before turning her head. "Whatever. Why the hell were you running down the hall anyways, perv?"

"I'm not a pervert! I-I'm just looking for my friend! Rise! That's it!" The tall man explained, face red from anger as well as embarrassment.

Ai was about to reply, before she saw something. Her face burned red with anger as she glared at the male. "Is that why there's a condom sticking out of your pocket?"

"What? Con-" Kanji grabbed his leather jacket and looked down, turning even more scarlet as he saw the pink, stretched out condom sticking out of his pocket. "I can explain! I-"

"Don't trust him! Kanji Tatsumi is a stupid, bastard, JERK who seduces you and has sex with you and then leaves you with nothing! Nothing, but used condoms and broken dreams!" A voice shouted. All three heads turned to the idol standing at the end of the hall. "He's a pervert! A pervert! A ROTTEN STINKIN' _PERVERT_!" With her announcement over, the shrieking banshee turned and ran away, slandering Kanji every step of the way.

"I am not!" Kanji ran after the idol, only to stop and look at the girls. His blush continued to consume his face as he struggled to explain. "... I'm not!" With that, the man turned and gave chase after Rise.

"That's exactly what a pervert would say," Ai mumbled.

"Yeah. You'd certainly know," Yumi giggled to her friend's embarrassment.

* * *

Outside, the backyard of the Amagi Inn was a mess. Tables were overturned, benches were upside down, cups and paper plates littered the area, and clothes were strewn about. The place really did look like a typhoon had blown through, all it needed were a few dead bodies. Yukiko really hoped she didn't find any of those, as she and Teddie worked to clean up the mess.

"Man, I can't believe this mess..." Yukiko sighed, picking up some trash with her bare hands and tossing it into the large garbage bag she was towing. "Can people seriously not throw their trash into the trashcans? Honestly, I-"

"Yukiko?"

"Huh?"

"Yukiko, is that you?" whispered a familiar voice.

"Chie? Where are you?" The black haired woman looked around, seeing no sign of her friend.

"Under the table..."

"Why are you under the table?" Yukiko asked, bending down to see her friend sitting under the table, legs pulled under her jacket. "Chie? What's wrong?"

"... aked...'

"Huh?"

"M'naked..."

"Chie, you're mumbling. Please, one more time?" Yukiko looked under the table, bending down to stare at her friend. The brown-haired girl was blushing madly, trying to hide her face with her hands. "Chie?"

"I'm naked!"

"..."

"..."

"W-why are you naked under the table?"

"I don't know! I-I woke up like this, I swear!"

"..."

"YUKI-CHAN! Yuki-chan! Yu- Oh, there you are!" Teddie ran over to the two girls, panting. He pointed behind him as he struggled to catch his breath. "I-I found Yosuke! I think he needs help!" The young blonde cocked his head to side as he stared at Yukiko with bewilderment. "Huh? What are you looking at?"

Chie's eyes widened at the news. "Wait, Yosuke is out here?!"

"Hi, Chie! What cha doing under there?" The boy greeted, happily waving at the blushing brunette. "Why are you wearing your jacket like that?"

"Teddie, I said to get help! Not Chie!" Yosuke's voice cried. "Chie's, like, anti-help! Reverse help!"

"Yosuke-kun?" Yukiko looked around, but couldn't find where the brunette was. "Where are you?"

"He's behind that tree! Yosuke! Come out!"

"Ted, shut up or I will skin your fuzzy hide!"

"Yosuke-kun, what's wrong?" Yukiko stood up and walked over to said tree, hearing her friend's panicked pleading.

"W-wait! Yukiko! Don't! Stop!"

"What are you- OH MY GOD!" The girl walked to the other side of the tree and her eyes widened as her face was replaced with that of a tomato.

Yukiko beheld a sight few would ever had the misfortune of seeing. A naked Yosuke stood in front of her, hands over his crotch, face just as red as hers (not that she was looking at his face). He stared at her like a deer in headlights, eyes wide, thick with terror.

The feeling of dread was something the Investigation Squad had encountered before. It was just a part of facing down gods, demons, and Shadows. They all had a coping method to dealing with this spine-tingling sensation. Chie acted tough, Teddie made a joke, Rise acted cheery... What did Yosuke do when faced with a scary situation?

He screamed like a little girl.

* * *

Meanwhile, Kanji was facing his own challenge.

"Go away, pervert!" screamed Rise as she ran from the pursuing blonde. The young man was panting, struggling to keep up with the idol.

 _How the heck is she so fast?!_ He thought, sweating profusely as he ran. _I got to finish this, quick!_ "For the last time!" Kanji lunged forward and caught her hand in his strong grip. "I didn't do anything!" He pulled her, but he didn't realize just how much stronger he was compared to the girl. Suddenly they were falling back, crashing onto the ground together, Rise on top of his broad chest. The boy ignored the sting from the back of his head and wrapped his other arm around the idol, pressing her against him.

"Damn it, look at your clothes! They're the exact same as from the party last night!"

"Huh?"

"I didn't do a damn thing to you! I mean, did you even think of that?"

Rise looked down. She inspected her clothes, as if the thread would whisper an answer to her. They did not. Her eyes slowly drifted back up, staring at Kanji's disappointed face.

"And think for a second. You know me, don't cha? Would I ever use you like that?"

Now that she stopped running, stopped assuming the worst, his words did make sense. Her clothes didn't feel sticky or wet and Kanji had woken up in the same clothes he wore for the party last night...

The pieces added up that she was wrong, and he was right. That she had made a stupid mistake and made an utter fool of herself... again. She stopped struggiling against his hold and slammed her face against Kanji's pecs. "I'm so stupid."

"H-hey, come on..." Kanji exhaled. "You're not stupid."

"How can you say that after I just ran around the entire inn scream- Oh gosh... Kanji, I'm so sorry!" _I'm such an idiot! Oh god, I'm so embarrassed! Stupid, stupid, STUPID!_ "I can't believe I could ever think that you..."

"It's okay." He smiled at her as a wave of releif washed over him. "I'm just glad you're not running around calling me... Ya know..."

"Yeah... God, I'm so stupid..." She felt a hand on her back, gently stroking her.

"Come on. Beating yourself up ain't gonna do you any good." Rise was thankful of her friend's gentlemanly behavior. She stood up and offered her hands to him, helping Kanji back onto his face. "We should probably go find the others, I guess. See what's up."

"R-right. Thanks, Kanji-kun..." The boy just nodded at her and started walking. Rise stared at the back of the artisan, a blush forming on her face. _He's such a gentleman... Wait, what...?_ Rise shook her head and quickly followed after the young man, walking by his side. He didn't notice her stealing a glance at him, her cheeks tinted pink.

* * *

Yukiko took a deep breath, before exhaling. "Alright, Chie, I brought you some pants and a shirt from my closet."

"Thanks, Yukiko! God, you're a lifesaver!"

"Yosuke, I don't really have anything in your size..."

"I don't know, Yosuke looked pretty good in that Miss Yasogami Pageant," teased Chie from under her table.

"Go to hell, Chie!"

 _Ignore them, Yukiko. You have bigger fish to fry._ "So I just brought you a towel..." _There is no WAY I'm walking over to a naked Yosuke again! None! No way!_ "Teddie, please give Yosuke-kun the towel." The girl's cheeks were a burning crimson as she handed the red towel to the boy.

"Right!" Teddie saluted the girl, before skipping over to the tree that the nude man was hiding behind.

Once the two were clothed, Yukiko explained the situation to them while leading them back inside. "So if we don't hurry and clean this place up, my mom's going to come home to a bunch of passed out drunks and who knows what else!"

"Breathe, Yukiko! I mean, yeah, there's some junk littered around, but it isn't that bad," Chie argued, placing a friendly hand on her BFF's shoulder.

Yukiko thought about explaining to Chie exactly how bad it was, but instead decided on a more visual showing. She pulled away from her friend and led her, Teddie, and Yosuke to the kitchen, where she opened the fridge. Naoki sat inside, drinking straight from a carton of milk.

"Hey, guys," he greeted, waving at them. "Man, some party last night, huh?" He yawned, stretching out his arms and legs. "This fridge is surprisingly comfortable. Not as good as Daisuke's, but still-"

The raven haired woman slammed the door shut and the look in her eyes crept down the three's spine. "I want these people out, or hidden out of sight! My mom can't know what a mess I made of this place!"

"Don't worry, Yukiko! We'll help you!"

"We will?"

"We will. Right, Yosuke?" hissed Chie.

"O-oh! Yeah! Totally! I love picking up drunks. Got a lot of experience from my dad."

Yukiko felt a wave of relief wash over her as she hugged Chie, wrapping her arms around the girl with a beaming grin on her face. "You guys are the best. I can keep looking for any party guests still here. The rest of you work on getting this place cleaned up, okay?"

"Right! We can do this, Yukiko!" The girls slapped their hands against each other, both of them grinning as Yosuke and Teddie stared, the latter grinning from ear to ear, the former releasing a heavy sigh.

"Whoo! Go team!" Yosuke rubbed his forehead, dreading the adventure that sat in front of them.

* * *

"Mmmm... Senpai... Harder..."

"Are you sure, Naoto?"

"Mmmhm."

"Very well, my beautiful, Detective Princess." Naoto let out a slow, shuddered breath as Yu continued to massage her back. She bit her lip to hold back the moan as her tress melted away. "You enjoy these massages far more than you should," he chuckled, rubbing his fingers expertly against her skin. Naoto just blushed and buried her face into a nearby pillow, muffling her moans with it.

* * *

Chie and Yosuke worked as hard as they could throwing trash away, running throughout the halls of the Amagi Inn. Neither spoke to each other, choosing to simply ignore one another and the obvious tension between each other. Chie was the first to break the silence when Yosuke's towel nearly slipped off of him from him bending down.

"Ah, jeez! Yosuke! Keep that towel on, please!"

"Why do you care? It's not like it isn't something you haven't seen before," he replied, smirking at her.

"Then trust me when I say, no one deserves to see something so horrible."

"You sure didn't complain about it at the time!"

"Ugh! There is no way to talk to you without you bringing that up, is there?!"

Yosuke was about to retort with yet another reminder of his penis and Chie's intimate relationship, when suddenly the two's attention was seized by a groaning. They turned to find the lumbering body of Kou Ichigo stumbling towards them. He fell forward, a large, purple bruise decorating his once handsome face.

"Oh my God!"

"Dude, is that Kou Ichigo?!"

"Kou? Kou Ichigo? What happened to you?" Chie asked, helping the young man up from the floor. "Oh my gosh, a-are you bleeding?!"

"Huh?" The blue haired athlete touched his lip, and looked at his crimson fingertips. There was indeed some blood coming from his mouth. "Huh. I guess I am."

"Dude... What happened to you?" Yosuke asked, walking over.

Kou stared into the distance, struggling to remember the events of last night. "Well, there was the party, remember? You and Chie were throwing your clothes into the fire, and I thought, 'Man. Chie sure does looks hot from over here.' and Daisuke said-"

"Fast forward," demanded Yosuke, rubbing his forehead in annoyance.

"Oh. Well, we found a couple of Nerf guns sitting around inside the Inn."

"Why... Why were there Nerf guns just sitting around?" Chie slowly inquired.

"Well, they were attached to these kids."

"Oh. I guess that expla-"

"So Daisuke and I took them."

"Wait, what?"

"And we started shooting each other. Eventually, I ran out of ammo, so Daisuke pistoled whipped me with his Nerf gun."

"Whoa! You got pistol whipped?! That's awesome!" Yosuke grinned.

"How is that awesome?!" Chie frowned.

"Oh come on, everyone wants to be in a shoot out and end it with a pistol whip. Everyone."

Chie glared at the two boys, watching them high five and bro fist with a scowl on her face before sighing. "Yeah, okay. That'd be pretty cool."

* * *

Kanji and Rise walked down the stairs together, the young man leading the girl as she followed behind. He didn't notice her eyes on him, quietly taking in his muscular stature and chiseled physique. While not conventionally handsome, the ex-delinquent certainly had a charm to him that left Rise wondering. Had the young man always been so built? Always so... rugged and charming?

True, many said he had the face of a criminal, but he had the soul of a gentlemen once you got past his walls. That, or a teddy bear. A cute little teddy bear who could turn into a raging grizzly when his friends were in danger. That, and maybe a grizzly in bed... Wild. Passionate. Powerful...

"Hey, ain't that Yukiko-senpai?"

"Huh?" Rise came to a stop when her smaller, petite body walked into Kanji's back. She fell back, falling onto the floor as the young man pointed down the hall.

There, indeed, was Yukiko Amagi, with a notepad and red pen in her hands. She spotted the two and approached them quickly, running over to the couple. "Kanji! Rise! There you two are! Where have you been?!" A scarlet hue decorated the two's faces. They looked away, Kanji muttered an answer as his female companion stuttered a reply.

"Uh... Well... We were..."

"Oh, you know... around..."

Yukiko raised a brow at the two, but shrugged away the thought. "Have either of you seen Yu or Naoto?"

"Huh? You mean they're missing?"

"Shit, d-do you think they're hurt?"

"Come on. We're meeting in the kitchen. We can figure out what to do there." The three started walking, each of them absorbed with worry over the missing presence of their leader and the Detective Prince.

* * *

"I love you," smiled Yu.

"And I you. Forever and always," Naoto whispered, pressing her lips against his.

He kissed back and the took in each other's scent, each other's presence. Their bodies melted against once another, what little clothes they still had slowly falling off, or thrown off by clumsy hands. They giggled and laughed under the sanctity of their blanket. There was nothing else to the world. No mysteries. No danger. Only each other.

"I love you."

"I love you more."

"I love you most."

"I love you most-er."

"Shut up and kiss me."

"Okay."

* * *

"Okay, we got here, here, this, and this, and that... Check, check, check," Yukiko muttered to herself.

She nibbled on the red cap of the equally red pen, glaring daggers into her notepad. She had crossed off several names, as well as several different rooms that had acclimated large sums of trash. She mentally checked her map of the Amagi Inn, fearing anymore messes polluting the estate. Kanji and Rise followed behind her, glancing at one another with looks of surprise. They had never seen their senpai so laser focused on a problem.

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

"I know exactly what I'm talking about! You did this, you stinkin' pervo!"

"What the hell is a pervo?!"

"It's what you are! PERVO!"

"Screw you, Chie!"

 _Oh God, what now?!_ "What are you two arguing about now?" she sighed, walking into the kitchen. She found the ex-sex buddies yelling at one another again, Teddie watching with amusement on his face and a large pyramid of garbage bags behind him, and finally, Kou Ichigo, watching the two fight, with a frozen steak held against his face. _Why is Kou... One thing at a time..._

"It's yours! No one else's is that small!"

"Screw you, that's average size!"

"For a toddler!"

"I don't remember you complaining about it!"

"STOP BRINGING THAT UP!"

"Why not?!"

"Enough!" Yukiko screeched, silencing the two. "What is going on with you two?! Why are you fighting this time?!"

The two looked at the glaring woman, before turning their gaze to each other. Both of them were silent as their cheeks turned flushed. Chie held something behind her back as Yosuke found the ceiling very interesting all of a sudden. The innocent act didn't last long under Yukiko's fiery gaze.

"Yosuke sent me a pic last night."

"I'm telling you, I didn't!"

"Who else would have?! From your phone?!"

"Maybe someone took my phone! We were at a party full of drunk people!"

Chie snorted at the argument, her own temper flaring again as she held the phone up. She clicked on the picture in question, full screening it on her phone for everyone in the kitchen to see. "It has the words, 'LOOK WHAT YOU CAN'T HAVE ANYMORE!' written on it with marker!"

Yukiko's cheeks became as hot as her temper as she quickly looked away. _Why did I look?! Why?! AH! My eyes! They're burning!_ She had to cover her mouth, holding back a weird mix between laughter and sobs. Teddie had a look of curiosity though, and he moved closer to stare at the picture.

"Wow, Yosuke! I-"

"Do NOT comment about my penis! There is literally nothing you can say to make this situation okay. Just shut your bear-hole and sit down!"

"AHA! You admit it is your penis!"

Kou was beginning to lean over as well, spying the picture with curiosity. "That's not marker. That's pen. A red pen."

"Pen?" _No wonder my it hurts so much..._ "Where would I have even gotten a red-" All eyes fell on Yukiko, and the writing utensil she currently had her fingers around. Her ebony eyes followed theirs, landing on the same pen. "I-I'm sure there are plenty of red pens h-" Yosuke was silenced by the pen slicing through the air, and smacking him square between the eyes. "OW!"

"Anyways," hissed Yukiko. "That's nearly everything. We're still missing Yu-kun and Naoto-kun, but we've got most of the trash. Now we just need a way to get rid of all of these garbage bags. I don't even know if our dumpster can hold all this trash..."

"I have a suggestion, if anyone wants to hear it," Yosuke offered, raising his hand. No one seemed very open to a suggestion from the team's Butt Monkey, but a hollering voice quickly left them without any options.

"Yuki-chan? I'm home!"

"Shoot," the girl hissed. "Do whatever it takes! I'll go deal with my mother! Go! Go!"

* * *

"Oh, Konata, I also enjoy anime." Izanami chuckled as she read her manga. She laid on her lawn chair, enjoying the peaceful paradise the other world had become thanks to the Children of Man. She turned the page, pausing only to sip at her beverage. It was another peaceful day for God, without any problem or- "Hm?" Izanami lifted her head, noticing the shadow that had formed over her. "What in the-"

She was silenced as a trash bag plummeted, falling atop of her, knocking her drink to the grassy floor. "What in the-?!" Another plastic black fell, crashing onto her like a meteor. Like a horrid, filthy rain, trash bags fell from the Heavens above her. It didn't take much to guess who was at fault."

"INVESTIGATION TEEEAAAAAAAM!"

* * *

"I don't know, are you sure about this, Senpai?" Kanji questioned, watching Yosuke flinging and shoving large garbage bags into the Amagi Inn's TV. The brunnette groaned as he kicked pushed another bag in, watching it vanish behind the screen.

"You got any better ideas?"

"We're literally throwing trash into a world that reflects humanity's wants and desires. This seems unethical," Rise muttered.

"I agree with Rise-chan, Yosuke. This seems like a bear-y bad idea."

"We'll clean it up later," the older man shrugged, kicking another bag down.

"Last one," Chie stated, handing the large bag to her ex. He took it and with one last shove, the trash was gone.

"Phew. Glad that's over with!"

"Glad what is over with?" A voice inquired. Yukiko and her mother walked in, finding the group amassed in front of the TV. "What are all your friends doing here, Yuki-chan?"

"Oh, uhh..."

"J-just uh...!" Yosuke lied, turning on the TV. It flicked on, revealing a grassy field and men in uniform running this way and that. The crack of wood against a baseball filled the air as the TV showed a white sphere soaring through the air. "Watching the big game?"

"And Iori scores again! Truly an amazing day for sport entertainment!" the announcer shouted from the TV as wild applause followed after.

"Y-yeah! I love soccer."

"Baseball."

"Baseball!" Kanji scratched the back of his head, glancing a silent thanks to Rise, who simply nodded and smiled.

* * *

Yu and Naoto fixed their clothes, at first avoiding looking at the other, but when their eyes met, all they felt was long. That familiar feeling washed over them, and it was just them again. Naoto's face resembled a tomato, and even Yu's usually stoic features turned a fluorescent pink. They looked at the bed, and their blushes intensified.

"We should find Yukiko-senpai," mumbled Naoto. "Tell her this room should be... cleaned."

"We kept it on the bed, for the most part," joked her boyfriend, but he still had that uncharacteristic blush decorating his cheeks.

"R-regardless..."

"Right. L-let's go." The silver haired man turned to face the door, only to stop as he felt something wrap aronund his arm. His equally silver eyes glanced down, spying the Detective Prince holding onto his arm with both hands, pressing her body against it.

"I-if you do not mind..."

"I don't mind at all..."

The man and woman walked out together, without a worry or care in the world. Just them. Just the love they had for one another. They exited the room and walked down the hall, off on their new journey. Unbeknownst to either of them, Yukiko Amagi walked over to the room from the other side of the hall. She let out a tired sigh as she took out a key.

"Huh? My door's unlocked?" She peeked her raven haired head inside, but found no one there besides the same level of mess that the rest of the rooms had. "Hello?" She entered the room, kicking the door shut behind her as she sat down on her new bed, just ordered yesterday morning. She smiled as she stroked the soft sheets and warm body of the mattress. "Oh well. I'll clean up later. I could use a nap."

Yukiko's body fell back, laying on the wonderful, new bed. She was about to drift off to sleep, only to become alert at a new sensation. "Huh...? Why is it wet?"

 **END**

I'll be honest with you. I'm not a 100% behind this chapter, but I'm annoyed with how long you've had to wait for this. You guys deserve better. Next chapter will be better, least in my eyes, I think.

Then again, who knows. Maybe you guys enjoyed this chapter. Tell me what you think in a review.

Honest question. The chapter definitely pushed the boundaries of the T rating. Do you think we should bounce it up to an M? I've always thought, unless you have explicit sexual or violent stuff, you can be a T story, but maybe I'm wrong. There are a lot of sex jokes and risque material. Tell me what you think.

Leave suggestions, requests, and comments in a review. Have a wonderful day and be safe out there. Bye!


	5. Amanda Hugnkix

**"Amanda Hugnkix."**

In a quaint little cottage, a penis demon sits erect for you. He greets you with a smile on his head, waving a lubed tentacle at you as he removes the pipe from his lips. "Welcome back to 'Welcome to Amagi's,' boys and girls. Mara is your host, Mara, and he is happy to tell you the story of another night at the Amagi Bar." Mara took a moment to smoke his pipe, watching as bubbles floated out of the wooden pipe and popped in front of his eyeless face.

"Shall we begin?" Mara reached across the room to pluck a book off of his bookshelf. While doing so, he turned on the fireplace, motioning for you to sit yourself on his lap as he cleared his throat. He spat a wad of white slime onto the floor as he opened the book. "Ahem. Chapter Four of Welcome to Amagi's. Twas an average day for the Investigation Team. An average night where they gathered together to enjoy each other's company..."

"Little did they know the chaos the night would bring..."

* * *

"Alright. Truth or dare, Yukiko?" Yosuke grinned, placing his drink down to stare at the bartender.

The girl paused, mulling the question over for a moment, before she sheepishly smiled, her cheeks dusted scarlet from the alcohol in her system. "Truth."

"If you had to do a girl, who would it be?"

"Yosuke, you freakin' pervert!"

"Oooh! Juicy!"

Naoto decided not to even acknowledge the question as she quietly sipped her drink and rested her head on her boyfriend's head. Yu just quietly watched Yukiko ponder the question, before looking at a certain detective.

"Naoto."

"Same," Yu chuckled, raising his glass and tapping it against Yukiko's in agreement.

"W-what? Why me?!"

"You're the hottest," she explained, before downing her glass.

 _OH, OF COURSE. NAOTO IS THE HOTTEST. OBVIOUSLY._ Rise glared at the blushing detective, trying to melt her brain with her laser vision. When that didn't work, she downed her bottle and wiped her lips with her sleeve with a pout. _Not Rise Kujikawa. THE IDOL. HEAVEN FORBID SHE'S SEEN AS HOT BY ANYONE. I could blow Yukiko-senpai's freakin' mind with how hot I am..._

"Okay... Rise-chan! Truth or dare?"

"Huh? Oh! I pick dare," she answered, smiling at the raven-haired girl and hiding her thoughts behind faux-joy.

"I dare you to tell us your sexual fantasies!" The red-cheeked innkeeper snorted.

"Can... can she do that?" Chie questioned.

"You wanna tell Drunk Yukiko what she can and can't do?" retorted Yosuke.

"Fair enough..."

Meanwhile, Rise was left unsure how to answer the question. Her eyes didn't budge as her mind envisioned the blonde ruffian having his way with her body. He'd hold her down and slap her ass and pound her like a piece of meat while holding a knife against her neck. Her hands were bound in blood covered rope as he bit at her skin and tasted her blood, growling like a savage man-beast before-

Without thinking, her lips moved to give a false answer. "Uhhhh... Butt stuff?"

Kanji choked on his drink and spat the beer onto the table. The girls, and Yosuke, voiced their disgust as the one who dared Rise smiled wryly.

"Called it."

"Well, this conversation is enlightening," sighed Naoto, wiping regurgitated sake off of Yu's shirt. "Perhaps we should put an end to this game and change the subject?"

"Well, what would you suggest?"

And as if by magic, an answer came to them.

"Hey, kids!" A older, more aged voice called out. A firm hand fell upon Yu's shoulders as a familiar figure greeted them. There stood Ryotaro Dojima, Yu's uncle, father figure, and sometimes, brother figure. He grinned at the group with a toothy smile that had the opposite effect he intended on them. They all seemed to wince and cringe at the sight of it. "I didn't know you kids were here!"

"Uncle? What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I was just following your cell phone signal and, what do you know?! I just happen to stumble onto you kids!" Dojima laughed, ruffling up Yu's hair. "Crazy coincidence, huh?"

"Yeah... Crazy." Yosuke's disbelief and hesitation was mimicked by all the members of the Investigation Team, but they all looked to one another to inquire deeper. Dojima dragged a chair over and forced himself in between Yu and Naoto, pushing the couple apart and making the table suddenly seem all the smaller. The young couple could smell the distinct odor of beer on the detective's uniform.

"Uncle," began the silverette. "Don't you have work?"

"Oh, I'm on sabbatical."

"Whoa. I didn't know you were Jewish."

Rise's eyes glanced at Kanji and she internally cursed her luck. _I've fallen for an idiot..._

"Ha! HAHAHA! OH, KANJI. You are a laugh riot!" Dojima declared, pointing at the boy.

"Oh. Uh... Thanks?"

"Uncle, why are you on sabbatical?" Yu asked, trying to steer the question back to to his question.

"Oh, well, you see I was on this case..."

* * *

"So, let me get this straight," Dojima growled, placing his hands on the table. The star athlete looked at him with bullets of sweat pouring down his face. He was shaking, foot rapidly tapping the ground as the detective's steely gaze shot right through him. "Someone took some heroin, shot it into your arm, before shoving four pounds of coke into your nose, and then told you if you didn't rob a bank, he'd kill your dog. A dog you don't actually own because he died when you were... eleven?"

"Yes."

Dojima stared the young man, before slowly reaching for his glasses and taking them off of his head. His eyes were wide, trembling, and dilated. "My God... He's back."

* * *

"Then they told me I was unfit for duty. So I was told to take some of my vacation days."

"May I ask how many vacation days you have, Dojima-san?" Naoto asked, only to gasp as Dojima wrapped his arm around her neck and pulled her against his chest. Her face cringed in disgust as his breath reeked of alcohol.

"Naoto, please! We're family now! Call me Ryo-chan!"

"I-I'd really rather not..."

"You can all call me Ryo-chan!"

"I don't know, Uncle. Maybe you should-"

"I'm paying for drinks!"

"Here's to Ryo-chan!" Yosuke declared, raising his glass happily.

* * *

"So, what exactly do you guys do?" Ryo-chan inquired, before sipping some of his sake.

"Well, usually we just hang out. Talk about stuff. Get tipsy. Sometimes our other friends make a funny joke or observation, but usually it's just us," explained Chie. To illustrate the point, she turned her head and the others followed, all staring at Daisuke and Kou sitting at another table.

It seemed the two friends were in a heated debate. Kou slammed his mug onto the wooden table and scowled at the taller boy. "You have go to be kidding me. That's bullshit!"

"I don't see how it is, it makes sense!"

"But Jaune doesn't love Pyrrha! He loves Ruby! Thus, you are wrong."

"How the hell does Jaune love Ruby?! They've said like two lines to each other since they met!"

"Um, excuse you, but quantity over quality! They're feelings are natural unlike the 'love at first sight' crap that Pyrrha has!"

"She falls in love with him because of the way he treats her!"

"Then how come she can't fucking spit it out?!"

"You're stupid!"

"NO, YOU ARE!"

"Arkos!"

"Lancaster!"

The two continued to scream at one another with more made up words as the Investigation Team, plus Ryo-chan, glanced at one another. "Yeah, I don't think we'll get anything clever out of them today."

"What are they talking about?" Teddie wondered.

"No idea. Think it's French?" suggested Kanji.

"Huh. Is that what kids nowadays talk about?" the father muttered.

"Beyond that, sometimes we have to deal with drama, or Yosuke's micropenis."

"What the hell, Chie?!"

"Well, you kids ever pull pranks on anyone?"

Naoto and Yu, easily the smarter and most sober people at the table, shared a look. The way their friends' eyes seem to light up, the way they gleamed like knives and daggers unnerved both of them. They knew they had to try and stop their group before something awful happened.

"Maybe we shouldn't, I mean, it is kind of late, Uncle, and-"

"Wow, Yu, I didn't know you were such a little bitch!"

"E-excuse me?!"

"Every party needs a pooper, that's why they invited you. Party pooper... Party pooper," the man sang.

"Uncle-"

"PARTY POOPER. Party pooper..."

Naoto comforted her boyfriend with a steady hand on his shoulder as he sighed and rolled his eyes. "Right. Well, have fun, kids."

* * *

Mitsuru Kirijo looked through the papers, quietly analyzing them before she wrote her signature on them, approving them. "More snacks in the lounge, approved. Save Leader Plan #216, approved. More protein bars for Akihiko, approved. A raise for Junpei?" Mitsuru picked up a nearby ink pad and pressed down on the white sheet several times. "Denied."

"Buuuurn my dread!" To her surprise, her cell phone began to ring and vibrate, signaling an incoming call. She took it out efficiently and quickly, using one hand to write down her signature as she answered.

"Kirijo Group, Mitsuru Kirijo speaking."

"Yes, hello, I'm looking for Amanda?"

"Amanda...? I'm sorry, I don't know anyone by that name. What is her last name?" _Perhaps one of our newer workers?_

"Hugnkix."

"Amanda Hugnkix... One moment, please. Sho, Fuuka, Labyrs, please come in," she commanded towards her intercom. On command, the three entered the office with varying expressions. The girls were curious, eager to help their friend and leader, while Sho grimaced and scowled at the sight of the red-headed CEO. The shock collar around his neck probably did nothing to improve his mood.

"You taking this off yet?" he questioned.

"Not until you learn to stop your behavior."

"Psh. Of course not. What a shocker." Sho looked at his teammates, grinning smugly as he awaited the roar of laughter. "Get it? Shocker? Cause it's-AHHH!" Sho was silenced as he fell to the ground, shaking and convulsing from the electricity coursing throguh him. Mitsuru put down her remote before speaking to the three.

"I'm looking for Amanda Hugnkix."

"Who that?" Labrys replied, raising a brow as Fuuka awkwardly stared at the red-headed boy. Sho was finally standing back up, nearly falling over as his legs threatened to give out under him.

"A young man was calling for her."

"Um... Kirijo-san?"

"Yes, Fuuka?"

"I think that's a prank call..."

Mitsuru stared blankly, before shaking her head. "Don't be ridiculous, Fuuka. Sho, Labyrs, search the building, top to bottom. I want Amanda Hugnkix. Fuuka, search through our database. I want all of us to work on finding Amanda Hugnkix. Especially you, Sho. Your recent behavior has left me very disappointed in you. Do not come back until you have found Amanda Hugnkix."

"Shit... Fine! How hard can it be to find Amanda HugnKiss...?"

"Good." Mitsuru nodded her head and returned the phone to her cheek, speaking clearly to the man on the other end. "Do not worry, sir. We will find Amanda Hugnkix. I have my best operatives looking for Amanda Hugnkix."

* * *

Ryo-chan put the phone down and stared blankly at it. Kanji sat beside him, as Naoto and Yu had moved to another table to cuddle and talk. "So, how'd it go?" he asked.

"I... don't know."

"I wanna try!" Yukiko slurred, grabbing Ryo-chan's cell phone from the man and snorting violently. "I've got a good one!"

"Go for it!" he encouraged, handing her the phone and moving seats so she could sit in the 'Prank Throne' as the others now called it. Ryo-chan sat where Yukiko had, right beside Rise. As the others focused on Yukiko, the older man glanced at Rise. "So, you like Kanji, huh?"

"Yeah, but it's not like he returns my feel- wait, what?!" Rise's eyes turned into dinner plates as Ryo-chan snickered.

"Bitch, I'm a detective. I know a thing or two about a thing or two."

"I... You... Please, don't tell him."

"My lips are sealed." Ryo-chan placed a hand on his face and wiped it from one side of his lip to the other. "So... You two... you know. Did 'it' yet?" For the second time in the last few seconds, Rise's eyes widened. They only grew more so as Ryo-chan made a ring with his index finger and thumb and shoved his other index finger into it, rapidly thrusting in and out.

"N-no!" she hissed, her cheeks turning even redder and hotter than they already were.

"Well, good. Marriage isn't the kind of thing you want to jump into."

"W-what...? You were talking about marriage?"

"Of course. What did you think I was talking about?" Ryo-chan smirked at the idol, before snorting and cackling wildly. "Ha! I'm just fucking with you! It's good you haven't gotten married, though. Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free, know what I'm saying?!"

"..."

* * *

"You will partake on an adventure that will shape, not only your life, but the lives of all those around you. The coming journey will not be easy, nor will it be a happy one. But if you agree to this request, then you shall make our contract official." The long-nosed man pulled out a long, white paper and pen from under his desk.

Carolina and Justine quietly watched as the black-haired delinquent stared at them, pondering what was being asked of him.

\- "Yo, will I get to fuck some bitches?"

\- "I don't know... This sounds really scary. Golly, maybe I should call my mom and ask her."

 **\- "I agree."**

\- "Few times I've been around that track, so it's not just gonna happen like that. Cause I ain't no hollaback girl! I ain't no hollaback girl!"

Igor linked his hands together and his ever present grin seemed to grow as he nodded. "Excellent. Please, may I have your name?"

"Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone! I've got this feeling, so appealing-"

"Huh?" Igor blinked, and his trademark smile vanished for a moment as a ring echoed through the Velvet Room. "Ah, I'm sorry, one moment. Carolina, Justine, please, help me find the phone."

"How the hell should we know where it is?!"

"What does it look like, Igor-san?"

"Oh, covered in bone, has some teeth on it, long antenna. The usual." The black-haired guest was all but ignored as the three searched the small room, seeking out the ringing device in vain. "Dreadfully sorry, it's just been so long since anyone has called me on my phone that I- aha!" Igor procured the skeletal device from under his desk and placed it to his ear. "Hello?"

"H-hi!" A voice snorted.

"Good evening. How may I help you?"

"I'm looking for a Mr. Tinkle?"

"A Mr. Tinkle...? Why, I'm sorry, but I do not know anyone by that name."

"His first name is Ivona?"

"Ivona Tinkle... Carolina, Justine, do you know an Ivona Tinkle?"

"Ivona Tinkle? Sounds familiar..."

"Igor-san? Perhaps...?" Igor followed the young girl's pointed finger and spotted the Fool of the year, sitting in his seat still.

"Ah, of course! I have Ivona Tinkle right here."

"Wait, what?"

"Here you go, young man, and might I say, you have a lovely name." Igor handed the protagonist the phone as he walked back to his desk. Justine was kind enough to hand the parchment to the proprietor of the Velvet Room, already signed at the bottom. "The contract has been sealed, Mr. Tinkle. I look forward to what you will do with the year you've been given."

Ivona Tinkle looked at the three smiling faces, a look of growing terror forming on his face as the call went silent.

\- "Wait, what the fuck is this?!"

\- "This shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S! Again, this shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S! This shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!"

\- "Ivona Tinkle...?"

 **\- Scream with rage and vitriol.**

* * *

"Hey, uncle?"

"Hm? What's up, Yu-kun?!" Ryo-chan grinned, downing his sake bottle with a single swing.

"Yeah, I was just wondering... Do you have any friends that are your age?"

Ryo-chan stared at his nephew, and an awkward silence filled the air between them. Ryo-chan quietly placed the bottle onto the table as he sat on the chair. He then began to sob, crying into his nephew's shirt.

"I'm so alone! My only friends are you kids and Adachi! And Adachi-"

* * *

"Adachi! I bought you some cabbage and-" The old detective came to a stop as he found Adachi's cell empty, devoid of the murderer. "Shit."

 **Had a craving for Swedish Fish Oreos. Be back soon. XOXOXO. Love, Adachi.**

 **PS - Jesus Christ, this prison is full of guards as incompetent as me. Holy shit. How does a prison like this even function? LOL.**

* * *

"Then he drew a small penis on it and wrote your name under it. Gah, I'm so alone! My only friend, gone!" Ryo-chan wept, pouring salty tears onto Yu's shirt, before blowing his nose on it.

"Okay... It's okay, uncle. What about Nanako? You can go back and hang out with her."

"I don't know how to talk to her anymore! She's a teenager, Yu! The lowest form of life imaginable! All she does is make vines all day and twerk about it! I don't even know what dubstep is! I asked her to friend me on Soundcloud, but she just laughed at me! SHE LAUGHED!" Ryo-chan continued to sob, ripping Yu's shirt closer to him to properly cry into it.

"..."

* * *

"Yeah, he's going to be hanging out with us for the next couple of nights," sighed Yu as he sat back down with his girlfriend.

"Senpai, where is your shirt?"

"Dojima wouldn't let go of it..."

"..."

* * *

Meanwhile, in downtown Inaba, Adachi Tohru was hanging a grocery clerk some money he had stolen. "Oh man, you have no idea the cravings I've been having for this stuff. I mean, fish in a cookie, you think it's crazy, but it just makes so much sense, y'know? Anyways, thank you for helping me find it, I'll-"

"AHHHHH!"

And then suddenly, Labrys dropped kicked Adachi, knocking him to the floor. Fuuka followed, jumping onto a register and flying off of it to slam her elbow onto Adachi's spin, turning it into a bag of dried, broken pasta bits. Sho followed the two girls, pointing dramatically at Adachi's groaning body.

"You're under-Fuuka! Get it? Instead of under arrest?"

"But I didn't even-"

"Stop resisting!" Labrys growled, holding her massive axe over her head. "Cuff him up, Officer Sho!" The red-headed man nodded his head and began cuffing Adachi's wrists together. As he did, the robot girl looked at the cashier. "Amanda Hugnkix?"

"Y-yeah...?"

"It's okay! You're safe now."

* * *

Mara lets out an amused chuckle as he bounces you on his lap. "Wasn't that a beautiful story? Yes, Mara agrees. But do you know what the moral of the story was?" Mara stares at you, leaning just inches away from your ear as he whispers into it. "Don't drink and drive." He then pulls away and chuckles. "Come back soon for the next chapter, and-"

"Mara, what the hell are you doing in here?" Izanagi opened the door to the small cottage, looking around the room to find you sitting on Mara. "What... Who the fuck is this? Hey, you, get out. If Yu hasn't fused you, you can't live in his head. Get the fuck out."

"But-"

"Shut it, Mara. What the hell did you do to my room, man? Jesus..." Izanagi promptly picks you up and kicks you out of the cottage. "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. I've had a long day and I need to sleep."

"Bye! See you soon! Depending on how lazy the author is! Spoilers, he's super lazy!"

 **END**

"It's a comedy story. How hard can it be to write?" - LeafyDream, 2016.

Yeah... So, I know that relatively to past chapters, this one is super short. I apologize for that. But hey, at least I made a few funnies (I hope) and at least I updated. Ha.

Haha.

Ha.

Please, don't kill me.

Any particular thoughts now? Hm... I'm thinking of taking a small break from Persona stories (minus whatever I have going on, especially the Delinquent stories) and writing stories for RWBY. So, y'know, keep an eye out for those if you like RWBY.

Hashtag Lancaster4life.

Have a good day, everyone. Be safe out there. Sorry, I've been pretty busy. If people want to know, I can make a big post about it on my profile or in an Author's Note sometime. See ya!


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